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Thursday, January 14, 2010

hoping 2010 will be a happier year... no resolutions....

okay so this is pretty long overdue considering the new year was ushered in almost 2 weeks ago.  haha.  sorry peeps.

anyways, for the most part, for my family and i, 2009 was prolly one of the worst years to date.  april last year, my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer.  when she was diagnosed with stage 2/3 breast cancer back in 2006, it caught us by surprise and she spent the most part of 2007 undergoing chemo and radiotherapy after getting a mastectomy.  2008 was a beautiful year.  it was a happy year for all of us.  active travelling, shopping and a lot of fun overall.  last year however, was difficult for all of us.  in 2007, my mum only had to undergo outpatient chemo.  her cycle was the regular 1 day outpatient chemo and a 2-3 weeks break.  this time round it was a bit different.  her chemo cycle consisted of 2 nights in-patient treatment (i.e. day 1 and day 2) and 1 half day treatment (day 8) followed by a 2 weeks break.

there were a lot more complications with her second diagnosis compared to the first time.  the first time we only had to deal with the side effects of chemo and she could pretty much still care for herself fully.  while undergoing radiotherapy, she began developing increasing pain in her right shoulder and arm causing her to clam up and had difficulty breathing.  an x-ray scan showed there was a massive amount of fluid accumulating in her right lung which had to be tapped out for several days.  before she left, her doctor recommended starting her 1st chemo cycle.  although her tumour had cleared up by august last year (albeit not completely), after her 6th chemo cycle, she began having trouble walking and it was just excrutiating for her.  a couple of admissions to the hospital later, we found out there was a boil under her muscles and an infection near the hip joint.  seeing that she wasn't responding as quickly to the antibiotics, she had to undergo surgery.  as if that wasn't bad enough, puss began collecting under her skin in the ankle region.  another operation had to be done.  last year, smc had become like a second home for me.  sleeping on the couch is nowhere near comfortable but on the bright side, at least there was a couch to sleep on.

now my mum can't even lift her right hand up.  it's as if there is no more strength left in her right arm.  when she goes out, people ask if she had a stroke because her right arm could not be used.  my mum is the strongest person i know and she is my rock.  for me, it's very heartbreaking to see her suddenly having to depend on other people.  she is a very independent woman.  strong willed, wise and supports us in every way she can.  when i look at her when she's in pain, i feel utterly helpless and useless.  my mum is a jack of all trades so to speak.  to me, she knew what to do in any given situation.  i wish i am more like her skill-wise.

so yes.  2009 was a difficult year and my mum's battles are not yet over.  we're all still helping her fight it.

then there's work in the office.  a lot of high expectations are imposed when you work for a big company.  and sometimes you can only multitask so much and still stay sane.  tasks that used to be split between myself and my ex-colleague are now under my responsibility.  in a field where everything needs to be done now, the demand for urgency is always there.  i'm not saying i don't like my job.  it has it's perks.  *smiles*  but there was just way too much for me to take in in such a short period of time and i was having problems juggling and balancing all that was happening in my life throughout the year.

during the influenza a scare, all of us went to get our flu jabs.  luck would have it, one of my brothers had a seizure and collapsed bumping his head on the floor of the clinic soon after.  we're not really sure what caused it or why it happened but it did.  an mri of his brain showed he might have a lesion which was either a tumour or an infection.  the doctor advised him not to drive for 3 months (but he only refrained himself for a month and is still driving now).  more chores headed  my way since there wasn't much alternatives as we were lacking manpower at home as well.

i felt sad that i was unable to attend a couple of my good friend's weddings last year as well.  i mean, ideally you only marry once.  i tried to find a way for me to attend but those that were too far had to be foregone.  the saddest part was i missed my bestfriend's engagement.  coincidently the maid had to go back and attend a wedding.  my mum told me to go to the engagement but i couldn't leave her at home.  i'd been looking forward to attend for weeks and no one had bothered to tell me i won't be able to go.  of course she understood why i couldn't make it.  *hugs*  but nonetheless, i'd promised to be there.

why am i pouring my soul out in this post?  i'm not really sure why but i just had to get it off my chest.

on a more cheerful note, last year brought me my beloved iphone.  *beams*  i know there is an iphone vs blackberry debate out there but personally, i think it's up to the person using the devices.  the important thing is what do you need to use it for and which interface you prefer.  the iphone has loads of wonderful apps and it suits me well.  *smiles*  the battery life sux big time though especially if you don't realize you've got push notifications on.  haha.  thinking of doing a best apps post next.  hurm...

then there was my trove by elixelle project which was basically me clearing up my closet (which by the way has filled up again).  it was a fun experience participating in bazaars and selling stuff.  i met new people and gained some experience.  i've managed to get rid of a good deal of my stuff and delighted a lot of people with the bargains (branded t-shirts at RM5 - *winks*).  trove will still be around but there won't be as much stuff on it until my next batch of clearance.  i pretty much sold off all the super good stuff.  there are still a good amount left but i've decided to give them away and dedicate my time to other projects that's coming up this year.  i can't wait to share it with everyone!! the first is coming up soon (i hope!).

i've gained a lot of weight the past few years.  i feel the more i try to shrink, the more i expand if you know what i mean.  haha.  i'd lose 3kg and gain 6kg.  my weight loss was going nowhere.  i had high hopes by end of the year i'd be lighter than i was at the beginning of the year and set reasonable goals/targets but i instead became heavier.  i'd put on 20kg in the past 3+ years and rising.  if you've been skinny all your life, you'll never understand what i'm talking about.  losing weight is even harder when you have to be careful not to trigger any gastric attacks and have hormone imbalances (hormones control your metabolism).  coming from a family that loves food doesn't help either.  haha.  it doesn't help either when friends and family have nothing else to say then comment on how much weight i've gained and why i wasn't skinny.  i get a lot of 'advice' to cut down on my rice intake.  i prolly only eat a quarter to half a bowl of rice (i don't eat much rice) when other people are eating a whole bowl or more.  i prefer fish and veggies to chicken or beef.  although i must admit, i have insane cravings for fast food and soft drinks.  even when i cut down on those foods i wasn't losing.  it was very discouraging.  yes, i did try exercising as much i could.  i haven't gotten back in the rhythm of exercising since fasting month ended though.  haha.

i think i'll do a post on good places to get clothes for bigger sized people here.  it's quite unfair that most clothes in the market cater to smaller sizes.  Some don't even carry XL sizes.  How sad is that?  What about people who are a size 3XL or UK18?  Specialized plus size brands are generally a bit pricey.  It's like it isn't bad enough it's hard to get sizes, it has to hurt the wallet too?!?  so that's gonna be in my upcoming post.

then there's my reignited love for makeup (2008 reignited my love for sewing).  i personally don't wear a lot of makeup ironically.  haha.  but i've loved makeup since i was a kid.  i loved playing with my mum's makeup and was always excited to put makeup on myself and my friends if we had a performance on stage and what not.  i loved the opportunity to doll up and just mess around with makeup.  youtube has brought me closer to all things makeup.  and from that love came blissful belle which is my beauty blog where i post my makeup experiments, reviews and hauls.  i've linked it to my youtube channel *blush* where i play around with video recording and itty bitty editing.  hehe.  i've been building up my makeup collection and practicing my makeup application and trying out different looks and stuff.  it's my escape and it helps keep me sane.  i'm waiting for some new brush sets coming out this year to add to my growing collection.  which reminds me, i'll post a review of my recent purchases on either blissful belle or my youtube channel (or both) along with my 2 cents.  haha.

i've decided to not make any resolutions for 2010.  i fail to see the point of making the same resolutions every year so i felt it best to not go through that madness again this year.  i have personal goals but i don't have resolutions.

my latest fashion item obsession?  haha.  leggings and long cardigans with gorgeous heels.  lol!!  leggings are extremely comfortable because it follows the contour of your figure and is far more flexible than regular jeans and pants.  given the right size, the waist doesn't bite into your flesh.  haha.  if you're a bigger size, long cardis are totally the way to go.  it's a lot more flattering.  don't get me wrong, it works well with people of smaller sizes as well.  *smiles*

i think this is a pretty long post as it is.  time to shut up and save more stuff for my next posts.  haha!

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