Hello rain that falls from the sky. It seems that you have returned during this cool monsoon season.
Yes, it has been raining practically every single day these days. When the sun is out, the air is so humid and feels so scorching hot. Then rain falls and it falls hard. I love rain. Believe me I do. But it doesn't do much for me when I'm out trying to pursue a nice hobby/side project in the daytime at Jesselton Point. With another 4 hours to go, we had to pack up and wrap up the day because it was raining cats and dogs (not literally) and there was no way we could woe in customers nor could we properly display our items. The tents were flooded, and all of us grouped up smack in the centre of this 20x20ft tent salvaging our merchandise from getting even more wet. And we were all hoping for better sales that usually come during the afternoon.
Anyways, I went to the PC Fair today at 1Borneo. Nothing much that was enticing but I did get my brother's webcam (which we can't get to work and only displays a blank black screen), a USB vacuum and a keyboard and mouse for the home PC since it has been a bit glitchy lately. I couldn't remember if we had it on a USB or PS/2 connection (how dumb!) and got the USB ones only to find out when I got home that it had PS/2 connections. Looks like I'll be heading out to get a couple of USB to PS/2 converters. Maybe I should've just gotten the Logitech one I had initially wanted. Darn you salesgirl for making me doubt my confidence in having PS/2 keyboard and mouse. *Ggrrrr* And there wasn't anyone home for me to ask to check and confirm.
I have a personal target to complete at work this month. And I'm determined to complete it. I won't have much time next month finish the task and I'd really like it done by the 1st half of the year. Wish me luck!
Sometimes I wish I had somewhere else to go home to. Sometimes I get exhausted just trying to be chirpy ALL THE TIME. I've always had my mum to balance out my days because whatever problems I face, whatever frustration I have, whatever pressure gets thrown my way, she always knew how to make me feel better. Sometimes it's just being with her, hearing her voice and seeing her smile and the world becomes a better place and all those bad things just float away. That was the magic of my mum. Now I can't find my sunshine. I can't find my pick me up. Whenever something comes my way and brightens my day, another storm rains on my parade. No one can hear my silent screams, my eyes fill with water, my feelings patched with fragile threads. All they can see is my facade, the me they want to see, the me that is expected of me, the me I am assumed to be and don't even bother to look me in the eyes and see what lies there.
I've been undermined, pushed and shoved emotionally, I feel like I'm crumbling. I'm always afraid of saying the wrong things at home. I have to constantly be careful and not speak words that may or may not spark fires. I have to check on my jokes or puns to make sure it doesn't get misinterpreted and misconstrued. I'm wrong when I talk, I'm wrong when I'm silent. Yes people. My life is NOT perfect. I'm just an average girl who summons all her energy each day to get through it and find happiness in the little things. I go places and do things to take my mind away from the parts that sinks my soul until I get reacquainted with them in another bashing episode. And yes, I get tired. I think people forget that. Some people anyway. Sometimes I'm afraid to take a break. I fear that things might get bad and I won't be around to tame it down. Fear, it eats you bit by bit inside until there's none of you left but fear.
Enough of such somber rants. My weekend was an underaccomplishment (is that even a word?).
Like I've said on my Facebook, Happy Mummy's Day to all. And to my mummy, the beautiful woman who shines so bright that her absence has made my world so grim, I love and miss you every single day. Happy Mummy's Day mummy. Al-Fatihah.
Showing posts with label Mummy Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mummy Love. Show all posts
Monday, May 10, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
A Whiff of Roses...
I have succumbed to the Blogger in Draft Template Designer feature and converted my then WordPress inspired White Page template (mildly modified to my liking) from btemplates.com to a similar version via the Template Designer. Essentially the look and feel of the blog is the same, it's just slightly different yet personally me. If that makes any sense. *furrows eyebrows & presses lips together*
This way, I pretty much know that the template will mesh well with Blogger and flow with the changes Blogger implements (if any). At least I hope it will. Externally obtained templates usually refer to Blogger tags and such and when certain attributes are changed, it affects the overall template as a whole and can be a pain to search pinpoint what went wrong where.
Ah yes, Giant officially opened in Megalong Mall in Donggongon Town. I passed by hoping to drop in if I found a spot to park but of course, with Giant opening it's doors today, it was impossible to find parking. Oh well. So I ended up going to Giant in City Mall instead. Unfortunately, the shelves that I'd wanted to get weren't in stock so that was clearly a waste of time (and petrol). Maybe I'll drop by 1Borneo tomorrow to see if the outlet there has the shelves that I want. I find that they're much cheaper in Giant than a regular furniture store. Now if they had Jusco or Carrefour here or something, I'd have more choices of places to check out. In fact, those stores' outlets in MidValley had a wide array of items. *sigh* But that's in KL. Metrojaya? They don't even sell those sort of things. Too high end and snotty I guess.
In the midst of my rambling in the above paragraph, I stumbled on this little bit of news:
Seriously? Does that mean in the next couple of years we'll see a Jusco outlet here in KK? (or MaxValu?.. Nooo... Please be Jusco). That'll be nice to see. More choices! Yay! Ah yes... Cheap sushi!
Anyways, tonight as I was walking out and entering my car in the porch to head for City Mall, I caught a whiff of roses in the air. After starting the engine I realized that I'd forgotten to take the measurements needed to help me choose the right shelves dimensions *silly me* and stepped back in the house. Oddly enough, the smell of fresh roses were no more. Puzzled still, I looked around and couldn't identify any possible source for the scent to linger or even float around where I was standing. Our rose bush hadn't bloomed yet (no flowers at all... Or maybe it died, not too sure) and our neighbours don't have roses. So I continued to head for my room, take the necessary measurements, jot them down and walked out to my car a second time. Again, the scent was gone.
Sitting in the car while starting up the engine and waiting for the gates to completely open, it got me thinking, since it was after all Malam Jumaat tonight and my mum loved roses and we'd just placed roses at her resting place last Saturday, could it be her spirit had come to visit? Needless to say just the thought of it made my eyes go into dam mode and well up. I don't know for sure of course but I'd like to think so. At least it makes me feel that she comes around and checks on us every once in awhile.
I miss her dearly...
This way, I pretty much know that the template will mesh well with Blogger and flow with the changes Blogger implements (if any). At least I hope it will. Externally obtained templates usually refer to Blogger tags and such and when certain attributes are changed, it affects the overall template as a whole and can be a pain to search pinpoint what went wrong where.
Ah yes, Giant officially opened in Megalong Mall in Donggongon Town. I passed by hoping to drop in if I found a spot to park but of course, with Giant opening it's doors today, it was impossible to find parking. Oh well. So I ended up going to Giant in City Mall instead. Unfortunately, the shelves that I'd wanted to get weren't in stock so that was clearly a waste of time (and petrol). Maybe I'll drop by 1Borneo tomorrow to see if the outlet there has the shelves that I want. I find that they're much cheaper in Giant than a regular furniture store. Now if they had Jusco or Carrefour here or something, I'd have more choices of places to check out. In fact, those stores' outlets in MidValley had a wide array of items. *sigh* But that's in KL. Metrojaya? They don't even sell those sort of things. Too high end and snotty I guess.
In the midst of my rambling in the above paragraph, I stumbled on this little bit of news:
Article from The Borneo Post (October 5th, 2009)
Seriously? Does that mean in the next couple of years we'll see a Jusco outlet here in KK? (or MaxValu?.. Nooo... Please be Jusco). That'll be nice to see. More choices! Yay! Ah yes... Cheap sushi!
Anyways, tonight as I was walking out and entering my car in the porch to head for City Mall, I caught a whiff of roses in the air. After starting the engine I realized that I'd forgotten to take the measurements needed to help me choose the right shelves dimensions *silly me* and stepped back in the house. Oddly enough, the smell of fresh roses were no more. Puzzled still, I looked around and couldn't identify any possible source for the scent to linger or even float around where I was standing. Our rose bush hadn't bloomed yet (no flowers at all... Or maybe it died, not too sure) and our neighbours don't have roses. So I continued to head for my room, take the necessary measurements, jot them down and walked out to my car a second time. Again, the scent was gone.
Sitting in the car while starting up the engine and waiting for the gates to completely open, it got me thinking, since it was after all Malam Jumaat tonight and my mum loved roses and we'd just placed roses at her resting place last Saturday, could it be her spirit had come to visit? Needless to say just the thought of it made my eyes go into dam mode and well up. I don't know for sure of course but I'd like to think so. At least it makes me feel that she comes around and checks on us every once in awhile.
Red Rose photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I miss her dearly...
Sunday, February 14, 2010
"hi mummy" no more...
as i've mentioned before in my previous posts, 2009 has been a very trying time for my family and i. on february 5, 2010 around 10.30-11.30am, my whole world was shaken. like any other morning, i wake up as usual, check my twitter and facebook on my iphone, wake myself up with a dose of internet on my laptop in bed until all of a sudden i hear a bit of a commotion outside my room. the help we'd hired to take care of my mummy during the day while everyone was out to school and work and the maid needs to get the housework done, was calling for the maid. in utter panic, the maid came rushing to my room alerting me to get ot my mummy pronto.
my mummy couldn't breathe. she'd developed some phlegm in her throat earlier that week out of the blue and hadn't been able to get rid of it since. we'd given her some medicine for it as prescribed by her doctor but i suppose it didn't help her. my heart had sunken as the tears came gushing out of my eyes begging my mummy to hold on while we try to clear her air passages so she could breathe. she saw me and shed her final drop of tear without being able to say a word. as i laid my palm upon her chest, i couldn't feel the rapid beating of heart anymore. her pulse had gone weak and was fading by the minute. her pupils weren't dilating or responding to light. i'd already called her doctor earlier.
when the ambulance came and took us to smc, i kept hoping that there was still hope for my mummy. deep down, i knew, her time had come. the paramedic pumped out the remaining phlegm from her throat and strapped the oxygen mask on her. when we got to smc, we sat outside the emergency room at level 1 while the doctor went in to check on the situation. with a grim face, her doctor came out, tapped bapa's shoulder signalling him to come over near the door and broke the news to him. my brother and i were sitting opposite where they were standing waiting to see bapa's reaction and what we saw confirmed what our guts had been telling us. mummy had gone.
my eyes flooded with tears, i hugged my brother so tight i was afraid he'd suffocate. fortunately my uncle was around to take charge and ring up the necessary people to make arrangements for the burial and kenduri. i started texting close friends and some relatives and called my uncle to make arrangements for the grave site. my vision was beginning to turn hazy, my legs were beginning to feel numb. soon i couldn't type on my qwerty keyboard, i had to ask my brother to type. not long after, my hands began to freeze up and my eyes shut, my breathing had gone haywire. my body practically went into shock mode. the nurses swiftly transferred me from my seat to a wheelchair then to a bed. before i knew it i had oxygen tubes inserted into my nostrils and the voice of the nurses trying to calm me down.
the first time i experienced this body reaction was the week before. when i was by mummy's side taking care of her and accompanying her. i hadn't slept the entire night and my mummy was speaking in sentences that didn't make sense, in a tone that was mostly mumbles. i'd felt so helpless and sad that i wasn't able to help her because i didn't know what she wanted. i started having difficulty breathing, my eyes shut with tears flowing, my limbs were numb and everyone else was asleep. my mummy couldn't help me and kept asking me what was wrong while gently stroking my knee. i know she wanted to calm me down but she wasn't in the proper condition to do so. fortunately my aunty who had come to stay with us for the week with my grandma had woken up for early morning prayers and heard coughing in the room. bapa, the maid and my aunty all tried to calm me down so i can breathe normally again. i ended up not speaking for the rest of the day until late that afternoon while getting my mum to drink some water and she told me to drink the water instead. then she asked me to sleep. even in sickness, she still wanted to take care of me.
it's been a little over a week now since that day and the relatives have returned home. my 2 youngest brothers are at my grandma's place for the chinese new year break and the maid is home for the weekend. i miss my mummy. i remember chinese new year last year we were all suppose to head back to my grandma's place but at the eleventh hour i couldn't join because i'd gotten a fever (which lasted the entire week they were there). my mummy kept asking me to come. catch a flight there and i can join them on the ride home. the plan was to stop by sandakan as well and eat at agnes keith house. she loved the scones at that place. she was still well then, save for some back aches. i can't regret not going because i was not in any shape to travel at the time. i wish i wasn't sick then.
when my mummy was diagnosed with lung cancer (her 2nd diagnosis. the first was breast cancer in november 2006) last april, we were all quite devastated. to have it recur in the same location and so soon was a shock to us. she was a fighter. and she fought the disease til the end. she held on to every last bit of energy in her body and soul to hang in there for the family. by august, her tumour had cleared and we felt thing looking up. we were filled with positive thoughts and big hopes that she will recover. with another 2 more additional chemo sessions to go, the battle was almost won. or so we thought. right before her second last chemo set, she was having difficulties walking. the task of moving around was excrutiating for her. after a couple of trips to smc, they finally found out the cause of the pain. there was an abcess in her muscle near her hip joints. she ended up with 4 surgeries (3 times for the hip joint area and 1 for the incision near her ankle -- there was puss collection near the ankle area) and 2 months hospitalized. it almost drove her nuts being in the ward for too long.
despite everything that she had to endure, she stayed strong and positive. we still talked and laughed. we joked around and she'd give me advice and share her opinions like we always do. when i was feeling down or stressed out, she cheered me up. when i was having problems, she helped and protected me. i always felt safe and happiest when i'm with her.
i'm not perfect but i did my best to spend as much time as i could with her, take care of her, accompanied her while at the same time juggling my office workloads (which were overwhelming at times) and keeping my brothers in check. some days, i'd sleep in smc with my makeup on and in my work clothes of that day. i avoided attending any trainings that required me to travel and stay overnight. i barely had time to do much else. fortunately my close knit friends are such dolls and understood what i had to do. i didn't get to go out and do all those things peeps my age usually do. i apologize to all my friends whose weddings last year i'd missed. and to nyn, i know i promised to be there for your engagement, but i'm truly sorry i couldn't make it.
my mummy couldn't breathe. she'd developed some phlegm in her throat earlier that week out of the blue and hadn't been able to get rid of it since. we'd given her some medicine for it as prescribed by her doctor but i suppose it didn't help her. my heart had sunken as the tears came gushing out of my eyes begging my mummy to hold on while we try to clear her air passages so she could breathe. she saw me and shed her final drop of tear without being able to say a word. as i laid my palm upon her chest, i couldn't feel the rapid beating of heart anymore. her pulse had gone weak and was fading by the minute. her pupils weren't dilating or responding to light. i'd already called her doctor earlier.
when the ambulance came and took us to smc, i kept hoping that there was still hope for my mummy. deep down, i knew, her time had come. the paramedic pumped out the remaining phlegm from her throat and strapped the oxygen mask on her. when we got to smc, we sat outside the emergency room at level 1 while the doctor went in to check on the situation. with a grim face, her doctor came out, tapped bapa's shoulder signalling him to come over near the door and broke the news to him. my brother and i were sitting opposite where they were standing waiting to see bapa's reaction and what we saw confirmed what our guts had been telling us. mummy had gone.
my eyes flooded with tears, i hugged my brother so tight i was afraid he'd suffocate. fortunately my uncle was around to take charge and ring up the necessary people to make arrangements for the burial and kenduri. i started texting close friends and some relatives and called my uncle to make arrangements for the grave site. my vision was beginning to turn hazy, my legs were beginning to feel numb. soon i couldn't type on my qwerty keyboard, i had to ask my brother to type. not long after, my hands began to freeze up and my eyes shut, my breathing had gone haywire. my body practically went into shock mode. the nurses swiftly transferred me from my seat to a wheelchair then to a bed. before i knew it i had oxygen tubes inserted into my nostrils and the voice of the nurses trying to calm me down.
the first time i experienced this body reaction was the week before. when i was by mummy's side taking care of her and accompanying her. i hadn't slept the entire night and my mummy was speaking in sentences that didn't make sense, in a tone that was mostly mumbles. i'd felt so helpless and sad that i wasn't able to help her because i didn't know what she wanted. i started having difficulty breathing, my eyes shut with tears flowing, my limbs were numb and everyone else was asleep. my mummy couldn't help me and kept asking me what was wrong while gently stroking my knee. i know she wanted to calm me down but she wasn't in the proper condition to do so. fortunately my aunty who had come to stay with us for the week with my grandma had woken up for early morning prayers and heard coughing in the room. bapa, the maid and my aunty all tried to calm me down so i can breathe normally again. i ended up not speaking for the rest of the day until late that afternoon while getting my mum to drink some water and she told me to drink the water instead. then she asked me to sleep. even in sickness, she still wanted to take care of me.
it's been a little over a week now since that day and the relatives have returned home. my 2 youngest brothers are at my grandma's place for the chinese new year break and the maid is home for the weekend. i miss my mummy. i remember chinese new year last year we were all suppose to head back to my grandma's place but at the eleventh hour i couldn't join because i'd gotten a fever (which lasted the entire week they were there). my mummy kept asking me to come. catch a flight there and i can join them on the ride home. the plan was to stop by sandakan as well and eat at agnes keith house. she loved the scones at that place. she was still well then, save for some back aches. i can't regret not going because i was not in any shape to travel at the time. i wish i wasn't sick then.
when my mummy was diagnosed with lung cancer (her 2nd diagnosis. the first was breast cancer in november 2006) last april, we were all quite devastated. to have it recur in the same location and so soon was a shock to us. she was a fighter. and she fought the disease til the end. she held on to every last bit of energy in her body and soul to hang in there for the family. by august, her tumour had cleared and we felt thing looking up. we were filled with positive thoughts and big hopes that she will recover. with another 2 more additional chemo sessions to go, the battle was almost won. or so we thought. right before her second last chemo set, she was having difficulties walking. the task of moving around was excrutiating for her. after a couple of trips to smc, they finally found out the cause of the pain. there was an abcess in her muscle near her hip joints. she ended up with 4 surgeries (3 times for the hip joint area and 1 for the incision near her ankle -- there was puss collection near the ankle area) and 2 months hospitalized. it almost drove her nuts being in the ward for too long.
despite everything that she had to endure, she stayed strong and positive. we still talked and laughed. we joked around and she'd give me advice and share her opinions like we always do. when i was feeling down or stressed out, she cheered me up. when i was having problems, she helped and protected me. i always felt safe and happiest when i'm with her.
i'm not perfect but i did my best to spend as much time as i could with her, take care of her, accompanied her while at the same time juggling my office workloads (which were overwhelming at times) and keeping my brothers in check. some days, i'd sleep in smc with my makeup on and in my work clothes of that day. i avoided attending any trainings that required me to travel and stay overnight. i barely had time to do much else. fortunately my close knit friends are such dolls and understood what i had to do. i didn't get to go out and do all those things peeps my age usually do. i apologize to all my friends whose weddings last year i'd missed. and to nyn, i know i promised to be there for your engagement, but i'm truly sorry i couldn't make it.
my mummy was truly a remarkable person. she was beautiful both on the inside and outside. everyone who knew her will tell you what a wonderful soul she was. she has touched so many with her kindness and attractive personality. i'm not saying this just because she was my mummy. i'm saying this because it's true. yes, she was strict. but her heart has always been in the right place and always full of love. her children were her life. her family always came first before anything else.
i feel (and i believe i speak for the rest of my family) that we are all incredibly lucky and blessed to have had her in our lives. she was generous, good hearted, loving, caring, wise, insightful, full of life, had an awesome sense of humour, practical, forgiving, hardworking, determined, strong-willed and always trendy and stylish.
as an only daughter, i was extremely close to her. i was her shadow, her driver, her runner, and anything else she wanted me to be. if i was away (or vice versa), we'd be on the phone everyday. when she was still working, we'd have lunch together and get a bit of shopping in after. whenever there was a sale, we'd be there. if she needed to go somewhere, i'd drive her. when we're at home, we'd hang out in her room watching astro and chit chatting.
i miss her calling me while i'm out or at work asking me where i am, what i'm doing, buy her things, come home early... i miss her texting me reminding me to pick up my brothers from school or pick something up for her... i miss texting and calling her when i'm waiting in the departure hall for my flight out and when i arrive at my destination airport... i miss talking to her in her room and listening to her advice and soothing words (she always knew what to say)... i miss being able to come to her for anything and being able to hug her... i miss saying "hi mummy" in the morning before i get ready for work and when i come home from work... i miss saying "goodnight (mum)my" before i go to my room at night... i miss her telling me not to worry, and telling me that everything is going to work out fine...
now i feel lost without her. i know that in time, i'll learn to work things out on my own. i know that we'll all be ok in the end. i believe that she wouldn't leave us without being sure we're gonna be aye ok. i know that eventhough we can't see her anymore, she will always be here to guide us in times in need. we've all done our best to help her recover and i believe that she was truly happy til the end and that it was her time to go. i will remember our last night together, joking and laughing the night away even though I didn't get a chance to speak to her that morning before she went.
thank you mummy for being such an amazing mummy to us. we miss you dearly and no one will ever be able to take your place. i will keep my word and honour your wishes. we may not remember all of you in time, but we will never forget you. we will treasure your time with us always. as much as this feels like a dream and we wish you were still with us, we will move forward and your spirit lives within us. i know you are proud of all of us.
i miss you and will always love you...
may your soul be placed amongst the righteous. i will continue to pray for you. al-fatihah.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
hoping 2010 will be a happier year... no resolutions....
okay so this is pretty long overdue considering the new year was ushered in almost 2 weeks ago. haha. sorry peeps.
anyways, for the most part, for my family and i, 2009 was prolly one of the worst years to date. april last year, my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer. when she was diagnosed with stage 2/3 breast cancer back in 2006, it caught us by surprise and she spent the most part of 2007 undergoing chemo and radiotherapy after getting a mastectomy. 2008 was a beautiful year. it was a happy year for all of us. active travelling, shopping and a lot of fun overall. last year however, was difficult for all of us. in 2007, my mum only had to undergo outpatient chemo. her cycle was the regular 1 day outpatient chemo and a 2-3 weeks break. this time round it was a bit different. her chemo cycle consisted of 2 nights in-patient treatment (i.e. day 1 and day 2) and 1 half day treatment (day 8) followed by a 2 weeks break.
there were a lot more complications with her second diagnosis compared to the first time. the first time we only had to deal with the side effects of chemo and she could pretty much still care for herself fully. while undergoing radiotherapy, she began developing increasing pain in her right shoulder and arm causing her to clam up and had difficulty breathing. an x-ray scan showed there was a massive amount of fluid accumulating in her right lung which had to be tapped out for several days. before she left, her doctor recommended starting her 1st chemo cycle. although her tumour had cleared up by august last year (albeit not completely), after her 6th chemo cycle, she began having trouble walking and it was just excrutiating for her. a couple of admissions to the hospital later, we found out there was a boil under her muscles and an infection near the hip joint. seeing that she wasn't responding as quickly to the antibiotics, she had to undergo surgery. as if that wasn't bad enough, puss began collecting under her skin in the ankle region. another operation had to be done. last year, smc had become like a second home for me. sleeping on the couch is nowhere near comfortable but on the bright side, at least there was a couch to sleep on.
now my mum can't even lift her right hand up. it's as if there is no more strength left in her right arm. when she goes out, people ask if she had a stroke because her right arm could not be used. my mum is the strongest person i know and she is my rock. for me, it's very heartbreaking to see her suddenly having to depend on other people. she is a very independent woman. strong willed, wise and supports us in every way she can. when i look at her when she's in pain, i feel utterly helpless and useless. my mum is a jack of all trades so to speak. to me, she knew what to do in any given situation. i wish i am more like her skill-wise.
so yes. 2009 was a difficult year and my mum's battles are not yet over. we're all still helping her fight it.
then there's work in the office. a lot of high expectations are imposed when you work for a big company. and sometimes you can only multitask so much and still stay sane. tasks that used to be split between myself and my ex-colleague are now under my responsibility. in a field where everything needs to be done now, the demand for urgency is always there. i'm not saying i don't like my job. it has it's perks. *smiles* but there was just way too much for me to take in in such a short period of time and i was having problems juggling and balancing all that was happening in my life throughout the year.
during the influenza a scare, all of us went to get our flu jabs. luck would have it, one of my brothers had a seizure and collapsed bumping his head on the floor of the clinic soon after. we're not really sure what caused it or why it happened but it did. an mri of his brain showed he might have a lesion which was either a tumour or an infection. the doctor advised him not to drive for 3 months (but he only refrained himself for a month and is still driving now). more chores headed my way since there wasn't much alternatives as we were lacking manpower at home as well.
i felt sad that i was unable to attend a couple of my good friend's weddings last year as well. i mean, ideally you only marry once. i tried to find a way for me to attend but those that were too far had to be foregone. the saddest part was i missed my bestfriend's engagement. coincidently the maid had to go back and attend a wedding. my mum told me to go to the engagement but i couldn't leave her at home. i'd been looking forward to attend for weeks and no one had bothered to tell me i won't be able to go. of course she understood why i couldn't make it. *hugs* but nonetheless, i'd promised to be there.
why am i pouring my soul out in this post? i'm not really sure why but i just had to get it off my chest.
on a more cheerful note, last year brought me my beloved iphone. *beams* i know there is an iphone vs blackberry debate out there but personally, i think it's up to the person using the devices. the important thing is what do you need to use it for and which interface you prefer. the iphone has loads of wonderful apps and it suits me well. *smiles* the battery life sux big time though especially if you don't realize you've got push notifications on. haha. thinking of doing a best apps post next. hurm...
then there was my trove by elixelle project which was basically me clearing up my closet (which by the way has filled up again). it was a fun experience participating in bazaars and selling stuff. i met new people and gained some experience. i've managed to get rid of a good deal of my stuff and delighted a lot of people with the bargains (branded t-shirts at RM5 - *winks*). trove will still be around but there won't be as much stuff on it until my next batch of clearance. i pretty much sold off all the super good stuff. there are still a good amount left but i've decided to give them away and dedicate my time to other projects that's coming up this year. i can't wait to share it with everyone!! the first is coming up soon (i hope!).
i've gained a lot of weight the past few years. i feel the more i try to shrink, the more i expand if you know what i mean. haha. i'd lose 3kg and gain 6kg. my weight loss was going nowhere. i had high hopes by end of the year i'd be lighter than i was at the beginning of the year and set reasonable goals/targets but i instead became heavier. i'd put on 20kg in the past 3+ years and rising. if you've been skinny all your life, you'll never understand what i'm talking about. losing weight is even harder when you have to be careful not to trigger any gastric attacks and have hormone imbalances (hormones control your metabolism). coming from a family that loves food doesn't help either. haha. it doesn't help either when friends and family have nothing else to say then comment on how much weight i've gained and why i wasn't skinny. i get a lot of 'advice' to cut down on my rice intake. i prolly only eat a quarter to half a bowl of rice (i don't eat much rice) when other people are eating a whole bowl or more. i prefer fish and veggies to chicken or beef. although i must admit, i have insane cravings for fast food and soft drinks. even when i cut down on those foods i wasn't losing. it was very discouraging. yes, i did try exercising as much i could. i haven't gotten back in the rhythm of exercising since fasting month ended though. haha.
i think i'll do a post on good places to get clothes for bigger sized people here. it's quite unfair that most clothes in the market cater to smaller sizes. Some don't even carry XL sizes. How sad is that? What about people who are a size 3XL or UK18? Specialized plus size brands are generally a bit pricey. It's like it isn't bad enough it's hard to get sizes, it has to hurt the wallet too?!? so that's gonna be in my upcoming post.
then there's my reignited love for makeup (2008 reignited my love for sewing). i personally don't wear a lot of makeup ironically. haha. but i've loved makeup since i was a kid. i loved playing with my mum's makeup and was always excited to put makeup on myself and my friends if we had a performance on stage and what not. i loved the opportunity to doll up and just mess around with makeup. youtube has brought me closer to all things makeup. and from that love came blissful belle which is my beauty blog where i post my makeup experiments, reviews and hauls. i've linked it to my youtube channel *blush* where i play around with video recording and itty bitty editing. hehe. i've been building up my makeup collection and practicing my makeup application and trying out different looks and stuff. it's my escape and it helps keep me sane. i'm waiting for some new brush sets coming out this year to add to my growing collection. which reminds me, i'll post a review of my recent purchases on either blissful belle or my youtube channel (or both) along with my 2 cents. haha.
i've decided to not make any resolutions for 2010. i fail to see the point of making the same resolutions every year so i felt it best to not go through that madness again this year. i have personal goals but i don't have resolutions.
my latest fashion item obsession? haha. leggings and long cardigans with gorgeous heels. lol!! leggings are extremely comfortable because it follows the contour of your figure and is far more flexible than regular jeans and pants. given the right size, the waist doesn't bite into your flesh. haha. if you're a bigger size, long cardis are totally the way to go. it's a lot more flattering. don't get me wrong, it works well with people of smaller sizes as well. *smiles*
i think this is a pretty long post as it is. time to shut up and save more stuff for my next posts. haha!
anyways, for the most part, for my family and i, 2009 was prolly one of the worst years to date. april last year, my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer. when she was diagnosed with stage 2/3 breast cancer back in 2006, it caught us by surprise and she spent the most part of 2007 undergoing chemo and radiotherapy after getting a mastectomy. 2008 was a beautiful year. it was a happy year for all of us. active travelling, shopping and a lot of fun overall. last year however, was difficult for all of us. in 2007, my mum only had to undergo outpatient chemo. her cycle was the regular 1 day outpatient chemo and a 2-3 weeks break. this time round it was a bit different. her chemo cycle consisted of 2 nights in-patient treatment (i.e. day 1 and day 2) and 1 half day treatment (day 8) followed by a 2 weeks break.
there were a lot more complications with her second diagnosis compared to the first time. the first time we only had to deal with the side effects of chemo and she could pretty much still care for herself fully. while undergoing radiotherapy, she began developing increasing pain in her right shoulder and arm causing her to clam up and had difficulty breathing. an x-ray scan showed there was a massive amount of fluid accumulating in her right lung which had to be tapped out for several days. before she left, her doctor recommended starting her 1st chemo cycle. although her tumour had cleared up by august last year (albeit not completely), after her 6th chemo cycle, she began having trouble walking and it was just excrutiating for her. a couple of admissions to the hospital later, we found out there was a boil under her muscles and an infection near the hip joint. seeing that she wasn't responding as quickly to the antibiotics, she had to undergo surgery. as if that wasn't bad enough, puss began collecting under her skin in the ankle region. another operation had to be done. last year, smc had become like a second home for me. sleeping on the couch is nowhere near comfortable but on the bright side, at least there was a couch to sleep on.
now my mum can't even lift her right hand up. it's as if there is no more strength left in her right arm. when she goes out, people ask if she had a stroke because her right arm could not be used. my mum is the strongest person i know and she is my rock. for me, it's very heartbreaking to see her suddenly having to depend on other people. she is a very independent woman. strong willed, wise and supports us in every way she can. when i look at her when she's in pain, i feel utterly helpless and useless. my mum is a jack of all trades so to speak. to me, she knew what to do in any given situation. i wish i am more like her skill-wise.
so yes. 2009 was a difficult year and my mum's battles are not yet over. we're all still helping her fight it.
then there's work in the office. a lot of high expectations are imposed when you work for a big company. and sometimes you can only multitask so much and still stay sane. tasks that used to be split between myself and my ex-colleague are now under my responsibility. in a field where everything needs to be done now, the demand for urgency is always there. i'm not saying i don't like my job. it has it's perks. *smiles* but there was just way too much for me to take in in such a short period of time and i was having problems juggling and balancing all that was happening in my life throughout the year.
during the influenza a scare, all of us went to get our flu jabs. luck would have it, one of my brothers had a seizure and collapsed bumping his head on the floor of the clinic soon after. we're not really sure what caused it or why it happened but it did. an mri of his brain showed he might have a lesion which was either a tumour or an infection. the doctor advised him not to drive for 3 months (but he only refrained himself for a month and is still driving now). more chores headed my way since there wasn't much alternatives as we were lacking manpower at home as well.
i felt sad that i was unable to attend a couple of my good friend's weddings last year as well. i mean, ideally you only marry once. i tried to find a way for me to attend but those that were too far had to be foregone. the saddest part was i missed my bestfriend's engagement. coincidently the maid had to go back and attend a wedding. my mum told me to go to the engagement but i couldn't leave her at home. i'd been looking forward to attend for weeks and no one had bothered to tell me i won't be able to go. of course she understood why i couldn't make it. *hugs* but nonetheless, i'd promised to be there.
why am i pouring my soul out in this post? i'm not really sure why but i just had to get it off my chest.
on a more cheerful note, last year brought me my beloved iphone. *beams* i know there is an iphone vs blackberry debate out there but personally, i think it's up to the person using the devices. the important thing is what do you need to use it for and which interface you prefer. the iphone has loads of wonderful apps and it suits me well. *smiles* the battery life sux big time though especially if you don't realize you've got push notifications on. haha. thinking of doing a best apps post next. hurm...
then there was my trove by elixelle project which was basically me clearing up my closet (which by the way has filled up again). it was a fun experience participating in bazaars and selling stuff. i met new people and gained some experience. i've managed to get rid of a good deal of my stuff and delighted a lot of people with the bargains (branded t-shirts at RM5 - *winks*). trove will still be around but there won't be as much stuff on it until my next batch of clearance. i pretty much sold off all the super good stuff. there are still a good amount left but i've decided to give them away and dedicate my time to other projects that's coming up this year. i can't wait to share it with everyone!! the first is coming up soon (i hope!).
i've gained a lot of weight the past few years. i feel the more i try to shrink, the more i expand if you know what i mean. haha. i'd lose 3kg and gain 6kg. my weight loss was going nowhere. i had high hopes by end of the year i'd be lighter than i was at the beginning of the year and set reasonable goals/targets but i instead became heavier. i'd put on 20kg in the past 3+ years and rising. if you've been skinny all your life, you'll never understand what i'm talking about. losing weight is even harder when you have to be careful not to trigger any gastric attacks and have hormone imbalances (hormones control your metabolism). coming from a family that loves food doesn't help either. haha. it doesn't help either when friends and family have nothing else to say then comment on how much weight i've gained and why i wasn't skinny. i get a lot of 'advice' to cut down on my rice intake. i prolly only eat a quarter to half a bowl of rice (i don't eat much rice) when other people are eating a whole bowl or more. i prefer fish and veggies to chicken or beef. although i must admit, i have insane cravings for fast food and soft drinks. even when i cut down on those foods i wasn't losing. it was very discouraging. yes, i did try exercising as much i could. i haven't gotten back in the rhythm of exercising since fasting month ended though. haha.
i think i'll do a post on good places to get clothes for bigger sized people here. it's quite unfair that most clothes in the market cater to smaller sizes. Some don't even carry XL sizes. How sad is that? What about people who are a size 3XL or UK18? Specialized plus size brands are generally a bit pricey. It's like it isn't bad enough it's hard to get sizes, it has to hurt the wallet too?!? so that's gonna be in my upcoming post.
then there's my reignited love for makeup (2008 reignited my love for sewing). i personally don't wear a lot of makeup ironically. haha. but i've loved makeup since i was a kid. i loved playing with my mum's makeup and was always excited to put makeup on myself and my friends if we had a performance on stage and what not. i loved the opportunity to doll up and just mess around with makeup. youtube has brought me closer to all things makeup. and from that love came blissful belle which is my beauty blog where i post my makeup experiments, reviews and hauls. i've linked it to my youtube channel *blush* where i play around with video recording and itty bitty editing. hehe. i've been building up my makeup collection and practicing my makeup application and trying out different looks and stuff. it's my escape and it helps keep me sane. i'm waiting for some new brush sets coming out this year to add to my growing collection. which reminds me, i'll post a review of my recent purchases on either blissful belle or my youtube channel (or both) along with my 2 cents. haha.
i've decided to not make any resolutions for 2010. i fail to see the point of making the same resolutions every year so i felt it best to not go through that madness again this year. i have personal goals but i don't have resolutions.
my latest fashion item obsession? haha. leggings and long cardigans with gorgeous heels. lol!! leggings are extremely comfortable because it follows the contour of your figure and is far more flexible than regular jeans and pants. given the right size, the waist doesn't bite into your flesh. haha. if you're a bigger size, long cardis are totally the way to go. it's a lot more flattering. don't get me wrong, it works well with people of smaller sizes as well. *smiles*
i think this is a pretty long post as it is. time to shut up and save more stuff for my next posts. haha!
Monday, November 2, 2009
freebies... yay!!!
the recent weekend was filled with fairs of all kinds. my fave of course was the ict fiesta organized by the sabah computer society with support from skmm and despite the smaller crowd flocking the fair unlike pikom's pc fair, there was a good selection of products and services to browse through.
however, i must say that this time round, the main focus was on laptops. practically all stores were heavily promoting laptops of all brands (except macs) and luring in customers with their freebies. most of the stores were offering either or freebie packages, some enticing customers with 10-12 free stuff.
my baby brother was at the time looking to get a new laptop since his previous one totally died on us all and was beyond repair, so this was a perfect opportunity to scout around and get some extra add ons to our purchase. lucky us, on day 3 of the fair, as soon as we entered the hall, we were immediately attracted to a sign that was practically calling out to us "Free 25 Items. Limited. 1st Come 1st Serve." We'd actually already decided to go for another store (from our trip to the fair the day before) that was offering 12 free goodies. But 25?!?! We must've been out of our minds to let that go. The fact that we were more familiar with this shop compared to the other one we'd initially thought of buying from made the decision all the more easier. after all, the laptop was the same price regardless which store we chose. hehe.
after taking the above photo, i realized we were missing one item. i can't even recall what it was. haha.
however, i must say that this time round, the main focus was on laptops. practically all stores were heavily promoting laptops of all brands (except macs) and luring in customers with their freebies. most of the stores were offering either or freebie packages, some enticing customers with 10-12 free stuff.
my baby brother was at the time looking to get a new laptop since his previous one totally died on us all and was beyond repair, so this was a perfect opportunity to scout around and get some extra add ons to our purchase. lucky us, on day 3 of the fair, as soon as we entered the hall, we were immediately attracted to a sign that was practically calling out to us "Free 25 Items. Limited. 1st Come 1st Serve." We'd actually already decided to go for another store (from our trip to the fair the day before) that was offering 12 free goodies. But 25?!?! We must've been out of our minds to let that go. The fact that we were more familiar with this shop compared to the other one we'd initially thought of buying from made the decision all the more easier. after all, the laptop was the same price regardless which store we chose. hehe.
after taking the above photo, i realized we were missing one item. i can't even recall what it was. haha.
- keyboard protector
- LG headphone with mic
- LCD screen protector
- laptop skin (most useless of the lot)
- sensonic usb speakers
- notebook cooler pad
- computer dust sheet
- kodak a4 photo paper (20pcs)
- bluetooth handsfree
- LCD cleaning kit
- mousepad
- game pad
- fm modulator (w/o remote)
- usb mouse
- earphone
- eScan antivirus (never heard of it - the laptop came with McAfee)
- 4 port usb hub
- cd sleeves
- dvd-r (2pcs)
- camera case
- notebook w/ pens (2x)
- fossil name card holder (2x)
- t-shirt
- micro sd card reader (not in picture)
- RM5 McDonald's voucher (not in picture)
this offer was limited to the first 20 customers to purchase any one of their laptops on the day. we were fortunate enough to be the last few. the laptop came with a nice backpack too!
then there was the heart of borneo exhibition at 1borneo set up by the sabah forestry department at the south atrium. too bad they'd close by the time we got there (which was about 7pm) but since it wasn't a particularly big exhibition, we managed to check it out from the perimeter and my baby bro had actually wanted to jump inside to have a look. haha. dropped by the m.a.c. counter while we were there. love checking out their latest makeup looks especially since it was halloween. haha. this year's theme was chucky. baby bro was sooo excited and couldn't resist the offer to draw a scar on his face. he left a happy camper. lol!!! the halloween makeup continued back home. so i rubbed off the scar from m.a.c. and started experimenting with my makeup collection to come up with a zombie-ish look as requested by the little boy. the results were awesome!!
i had to forego my blogger gathering cum halloween party that night cos (a) i had no costume and (b) the busy-ness that is my life. maybe next year.
ah yes. then there was the health and beauty fair in centre point. managed to browse through the booths while looking for something to wear for a wedding i was attending that night. the most interesting booth there??!!? the wig booth wins hands down. their wigs were soooo natural and silky soft. i don't know if it's made from real human hair or if it's synthetic. but the wigs were super cheap!!!! price ranged from rm45 (short hair) to RM65 (long hair) and the extensions ranged from rm25 and above. the actual shop is located at sinsuran. seriously, i would never have guessed. ooo. and if you're on a budget but love perfumes, one drop perfumes also had a booth there. their regular sets (pack of 8 tiny roller bottles) were priced at rm45 (celebrity pack at rm50) and mini sets (pack of 4) were rm27. there was also paradise perfumes (similar to one drop but with 6 bottles per pack) selling at rm35 a box. these are scents inspired by popular perfumes like gucci envy, estee lauder's pleasure and so on all pre-packed in sets for both men and women. personally, i don't think they smell anything like the perfume they were inspired by though. hehe.
i find askcleo.com.my doesn't give me enough flexibility in publishing my blog so i'll be moving blissful belle to blogspot soon. :) maybe if cleo is serious about their blogging feature for members, they'd look into other basic functions to provide to their bloggers.
on a different note, my mum's still in hospital and just underwent minor surgery again. she's been getting a couple bacterial infections in her hips and under the skin in the ankle region. since her body is lacking a lot of the essential nutrients she is desperately in need of, her oncologist has prescribed an intravenous nutrition programme to supply the necessary vitamins, minerals and diet essentials (carbs, protein, fat) for a few days. it's this huge sack with white liquid in it fueled into her body through controlled drips at 60ml/hr. at first i thought it has been a month but after thinking back, it's been more than a month already that she's been in here. most nights, the hospital is my second home accompanying my mum. when i'm off to work, my brother takes my place. some days, i don't get to go home and some days, i don't even get to see my two youngest siblings. praying my mum gets better soon.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
happy mother's day...
this year mother's day falls on may 10th (2nd sunday of the month) which i'm pretty sure is celebrated in many ways everywhere in the world. there'll be special home cook meals or commemorative buffet dinners or simply that special time spent with mothers and grandmothers.
however, 2009 brought a different mothers day experience for my family and i. there was no preparing breakfast in bed or my occassion-only chicken fajitas and cheesy chicken bake pasta. regardless the situation, the family's personal card making and giving session is a must. it's kinda a tradition created by me and my lil bros have followed suit in recent years *their older now. haha* i'm really proud of them both. they're really getting the hang of this card making thing. *beams*
this time around, we couldn't celebrate mothers day like we used to because the situation is different than previous years. what with all the hectic rush of having my mum admitted to smc on monday due to the excessive fluid in her left lung *which had to be drained out* which was intefering with her breathing and was causing pain in her left shoulder and lower back, and i'd been assisting and accompanying her for the first 4 nights til i caught a bit of a fever and am now resuming my hospital duties tonight, several errands had to be put on hold. today some of those errands can be scrapped off the to do list: 1. buy new school bag for lil bro, 2. buy contact lenses for mum, 3. collect lil bro's kumon homework. still a few more things to get done: 1. collect mum's clothes from the tailor, 2. finish up my grandma's skirt, and the list goes on and on. *haha*
on another note, sitting in a hospital does kinda give you a different perspective on life. even at the age i'm at, there's always a risk of falling ill and there are just so many diseases out there. seems like there's no better time than the present to start reflecting on the stuff we put into our mouths and living a more active lifestyle. how do i weasel my way out of my mostly sedentary lifestyle and eating habits that still requires fine tuning and improvement. with that in mind, i'm launching a blog to keep me motivated for that sole purpose separate from this blog. it should be up soon and hopefully the online journal of my journey would serve as both a form to hold me accountable for my health goals as well as for me to share related info on diet, health, fitness and related thoughts. *smiles*
however, 2009 brought a different mothers day experience for my family and i. there was no preparing breakfast in bed or my occassion-only chicken fajitas and cheesy chicken bake pasta. regardless the situation, the family's personal card making and giving session is a must. it's kinda a tradition created by me and my lil bros have followed suit in recent years *their older now. haha* i'm really proud of them both. they're really getting the hang of this card making thing. *beams*
this time around, we couldn't celebrate mothers day like we used to because the situation is different than previous years. what with all the hectic rush of having my mum admitted to smc on monday due to the excessive fluid in her left lung *which had to be drained out* which was intefering with her breathing and was causing pain in her left shoulder and lower back, and i'd been assisting and accompanying her for the first 4 nights til i caught a bit of a fever and am now resuming my hospital duties tonight, several errands had to be put on hold. today some of those errands can be scrapped off the to do list: 1. buy new school bag for lil bro, 2. buy contact lenses for mum, 3. collect lil bro's kumon homework. still a few more things to get done: 1. collect mum's clothes from the tailor, 2. finish up my grandma's skirt, and the list goes on and on. *haha*
on another note, sitting in a hospital does kinda give you a different perspective on life. even at the age i'm at, there's always a risk of falling ill and there are just so many diseases out there. seems like there's no better time than the present to start reflecting on the stuff we put into our mouths and living a more active lifestyle. how do i weasel my way out of my mostly sedentary lifestyle and eating habits that still requires fine tuning and improvement. with that in mind, i'm launching a blog to keep me motivated for that sole purpose separate from this blog. it should be up soon and hopefully the online journal of my journey would serve as both a form to hold me accountable for my health goals as well as for me to share related info on diet, health, fitness and related thoughts. *smiles*
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