Finding Time and Progress

Yes, again, it's been awhile.  This is getting old.  I seem to be swinging in and out of the blogosphere as of the past couple of years.  Yes, I do miss blogging.  Back when I had practically all the time in the world, this was my little "project".  The internet to me is just such a wonderful place and one could learn so much from it, granted there are a few (ok, more than a few) bad and rotten apples tainting the web but for the most part, it's a huge knowledge arena with an even larger potential to grow.

When people say time waits for no man, well, it really doesn't.  You either get left behind or you find a way to catch up on it and master the wonderful art of time management.  Personally, that's a big issue I need to work on.  I'm either too early or too late and that really annoys me.  I can give myself a million and one excuses but end of the day I know where I went wrong and what I could've done better to improve myself.

Here's the thing about excuses.  They're really easy to make and sometimes you even get to fool yourself into believing your excuses.  But when you start thinking back and reevaluating your actions and decisions, it all boils down to you.  That holds true for me.  I know I have procrastination tendencies and sometimes I win the battle, sometimes I don't.  Best way to get things done is to not overthink it and give yourself time to back out but instead just decide and go in and get the job done.  It's pretty straight forward.  Really it is.  Now if only I can listen to my own advice at least 90% of the time.

Back to what I'd originally wanted to say, I really miss blogging.  Whether it's this blog or my beauty blog, I truly miss it.  I love taking product photos and editing and doing the write up, just everything!  Last night I just did some impromptu improvements to my beauty blog (which I've renamed and relocated, Casual Vanity) and I noticed there was a post I'd worked on a little while ago that have yet to be posted.  I'd even taken and uploaded product photos and swatches too, although I might need to retake and reupload them because it's just not the best shots really.  Anyways, from that I discovered new tweaks for Blogger which is super fun and this site has so many tips, tricks and tutorials on making Blogger do what you want for your blog.  Check out Helplogger if you want to learn more about customizing your Blogger blog.  I'm still giddy-ly browsing through the pages finding out new ways I could change the appearance of my blog the way I want. *wink*

Moving on...

I recently got an airfryer for the house. Some people (myself included) just love the taste of fried food but I don't like the greasy after taste (and plates) you get with it.  When I first heard about the airfryer, I was really excited but hesitant to buy.  The idea was wonderful, fry food with next to no oil.  Honestly, the price tag threw me off a bit.  The Philip one costs some RM1000 or so and I wasn't too confident it will in fact deliver its claims.  Recently I saw a friend post on Facebook about the amazing airfryer her MIL gifted her and then a beauty blogger I follow had one in her blog and raved about it.  I started looking at the prospects of getting it again and it still had the RM1000+ price tag in Parkson (and I imagine in other stores as well) but that was the older model too.  So I checked out Lelong and Lazada.  Lazada had the newer model (digital display instead of the knobs) which came with the stacking tray at a similar price as the one I'd previously seen in Parkson.

Many YouTube videos (research!) later, I decided to give in to purchasing it (yay!). Best investment in food and health ever.  Not only do you not need to add oil (unless the product you're cooking contains absolutely no natural oils then add maximum 1 tbsp), it extracts the existing oil (especially from frozen fried food) and coats the food ever so slightly with oil just for the purpose of making sure your food is cooked.  I love that you don't even need to thaw before cooking!  Love, love LOVE!!  So far we've only tried cooking frozen food (sausages, nuggets, seafood balls, fries) but I'm impressed.  I've seen some people try cooking steak and prawns in it on YouTube and can't wait to try.  I don't have to worry about leaving my brothers to fend for themselves food-wise as they can just cook some rice and pop something in the airfryer and go carry on doing whatever it is they're doing while they wait for food to be ready.  I'm getting the grilling attachment too so I can replace the basket with it and fry-grill some food.  Weeeee!!!!!

Now what else was I going to talk about? I got a bit distracted for a moment (30mins is hardly a moment, let's be honest here).

Ah yes.  Downsizing.  I've been living in excess in so many ways and I'm trying to downsize as many ways as possible.  I've sorted through some of my makeup and that's going off to friends and a garage sale. I'm getting rid of more than half of my handbag collection and we'll see what condition my shoes are in cos those need to go too.  Tangent topic: I've been really loving the Dexflex Comfort and Comfort Plus by Predictions range of shoes from Payless.  They're just super comfy!  Fioni isn't too bad either but it doesn't have the same cushion insole as the former 2 does.

I've been meaning to get back to my sewing projects too.  Maybe soon.  Was planning on sewing up my own Raya outfit with a friend.  Some things are so much more fun to do with a friend.  Hehe.

OK.  So maybe I'll save the other updates and chit chat topics for another post.  Fingers crossed it won't take months and years before that happens.  LOL!

Happy Ramadhan loves.

Neglected Hobbies and Growing Up

 December 30, 2013 
Where do I begin? I've not been blogging on any of my blogs for pretty much the greater part of this year. And to think I love writing and blogging too. Can I blame social media for that (pretty please?)? I think with the instant bursts of updates that I've been posting on Twitter and Instagram, there's little else for me to talk about or rather update on my full blown blogs.

It's not so much that I haven't had any profound revelations this year or that nothing interests me but for lack of a better explanation, I've been either asleep, marathoning TV series, spending time with my bros or just plain ol' housework. Yes, yes. Very domesticated. Responsibilities and time management ought to be BFFs but in my case they're more on a frenemy relationship.  *haha* Moving on...

 March 1, 2014 
*fast forward 2 months since the 2 paragraphs I drafted above... Eeekk!!*

To say plenty of things has been happening is both true and false really.  I teamed up with one of my aunts and opened our own little sofa and curtain showroom at Villa Tropicana (along the Penampang Bypass road). If you wanna see what we've got to offer, check out our facebook page, MYA Design Furniture & Furnishing.  If you live in the KK, Penampang, Inanam and surrounding vicinity feel free to drop by and have a look, yea.  We're open everyday except Monday. *wink*

Anyways, as I was saying... Apart from that, pretty much everything else is somewhat the same.  A few improvement and progress here and there but relatively the same nonetheless.  I tried out body massage for the very first time this year as per recommendation from a good friend.  Oh. My. God.  The most painful experience I could ever imagine willingly putting myself through.  It is supposed to be good for blood circulation and getting the veins to their optimal peak performing condition (if that makes sense).  I definitely went home with a few bruises here and there but the excruciating pain was pretty much just then and there (thank goodness!!).

Hurm... What else? Oo yea.  The part about growing up.  Well, I officially turned 30 about 2 1/2 months back (yay! December baby!) and to be honest, it doesn't feel any different.  Well, technically you don't magically become a full year older overnight, and I was 29 years 51 weeks and 6 days old before my birthday give or take. Anyways, the point being, adulthood just poses responsibility upon responsibility on a person.  The part that is quite the struggle point for me is to grow up in the circumstances that I'm in with the things that I had never envisioned myself to have to ever take on and not feeling like I'm allowed to feel overwhelmed or angry or suffocated and the likes.  I understand that everyone's journey is unique to them and I appreciate that I'm not out on the streets in much severe conditions but sometimes a girl just needs to vent. Plain and simple. Living in a house with boys, they're not the best listeners. Although I might be a bit biased since my benchmark is my mum who is still in my mind the most amazing person to ever walk the face of the Earth. Poor things. My brothers I mean. I'm grateful and very appreciative of the love and support from friends and family lending an ear (and a shoulder) whenever I need it but some things you can only share with your mum, or at least someone you can trust completely 200% or more.

Then there's the neglected hobbies.  I love blogging which may or may not be apparent from the posts I've done in the past (and amount of blogs I've created) but now I find myself not having the time (and sometimes inspiration) to write about stuff.  I think it might an OCD thing where I want to do photos and edit and stuff and the whole things gets put off when I don't get to do everything at once.  Hahahha.  Anyways, I think I need to blog again.  Keeps me sane.  Maybe home stuff like decor and organization? There are so many awesome bloggers out there doing those and I definitely am no where near their level of dedication and photo prowess.  I shall try to do my own thing.

Ah yes.  And my love, make up.  I wanna get that back up and running and maybe something more in the future.  I'll save that for when I actually get that future project launched. *wink wink*  But yea, if you're in the KK area and need make up services, or you want a private lesson at your home, drop me an email here and we'll set something up!  I've also got a ton of make up I've only used once or twice or a few times that I feel should find new homes soooo... I haven't confirmed yet but I'm gonna be joining possibly the Damai Garage Sale soon to sell them off for pennies.  It's gonna be seriously cheap and I'll have it sanitized and cleaned and there's a good mix of high end and low end brands all of excellent quality. Will announce that soon. *yippee!!!*

Winds of Change

Midway into 2013 and change is definitely underway.  Some changes are small, some personal, and some in a big way.  This is probably the first year that I've taken charge of my New Year's resolution and actually work towards accomplishing that goal.  It's a beautiful feeling really.

"See a need, fill a need" - Robots

Instead of pushing aside or running away from issues, I'm beginning to accept them and find solutions for them.  Obviously I have yet to eradicate all issues from my life.  Haha.  Clearly some are more pressing than others to resolve while some I might not be ready to tackle just yet.  Sometimes we see a different picture than others and I understand how other people might not understand my vision in certain things.  Nonetheless I'm always open to thoughts, inputs and opinions from the people around me.

Recently I had a long (overdue) talk with my brother.  For the longest time I've feared him despite being the eldest sister here.  There were things that should've been addressed a long time ago but I'd kept mum about them and it had taken a toll on myself and our brother-sister relationship.  Sometimes you need that little boost of courage to get the ball rolling.  Sure, he wasn't too happy about the way the talk started earlier that afternoon but sometimes my soft approach isn't always the best way to go.  He didn't understand where I was coming from, shocked mostly at the changes he missed while I "grew up".  Like I've said before, change isn't always easy but more often than not, necessary.

At some point in my life, I had a fire in me.  A passion to live life to the fullest within the bounds of morality instilled in me.  As I grew older, it got lost.  I missed that.  Soon after I became a push over, someone you could take advantage of, trampled.

Sometimes I wonder how my parents did it before, especially my mum.  Adulthood definitely isn't a bed of roses.  There's just a lot of thought and weight that goes into making decisions and attempting to figure out what the right thing to do is. Nothing is black and white or straight forward. Decision and choices we make no longer only affect ourselves. Everything is played at a much larger scale and it's so easy to be overwhelmed. I'm only beginning to get the gist of what my mother had to go through many years ago. And she was right. It is tough.

Difficult Truths and Pushing Through

I have decided that 2013 would be my year of changes and betterment. I don't know if I'll pull it off or if I'd stick to my resolution but it's never to late to make that decision again and try.

Sometimes -- more often than not -- things happen out of our control and it's not even an implication of something we've done or are doing. Sometimes there are just other forces at work that interferes with our goals and future. Although at times we might not know what is going on or happening to us, with faith, God will show us truth and the path we should follow.

2012 was a tough year for me mentally and emotionally. Despite the smile I put on for the world, I felt like I was crumbling inside slowly but surely. I was beginning to fear that maybe, just maybe, I might have been going through a bout of depression. Thinking about it, I felt I am still too young to put myself through such a heavy and draining state of mind. But like all who've gone through a similar situation or phase, when it hits you, the world around you seems bleak. Hope was possibly the only thing holding you together. I was admittedly a complete wreck inside.

I'm thankful to Allah for blessing me with supportive family and friends even through times when I didn't believe in myself and didn't think there was light at the end of my path, I had support. Sometimes it may have felt like it wasn't enough but they were there.

Recently, some things have come to light and although sad, it's just one of those things that is beyond my ability to control. Looking back, everything made more sense and my instincts have been proven right. The only thing that I can do now is to pick myself up, push through and protect my loved ones.

Bottom line, never be afraid to seek help. Sometimes you just can't take on the world on your own.

2013. I'm looking forward to beautiful and exciting things this year. Insya Allah.

Verbal vs Physical, Lesser of 2 Evils?

I find that lately I don't really have much to blog about. Or maybe just too much to blog about I don't know where to begin. I think I've mentioned in a previous post that my life has changed tremendously in the past couple of years and I've had to take on even more responsibilities. Sometimes I wonder if it's something I'm even able to cope with.

Yup, I'm turning 30 this year. Yes, I'm still very much single with no available prospect. And yea, my family is my life. Sometimes to the point that it consumes me or to the point where I hide myself behind the fact, slowly disappearing from the world around me.

As strong as I try to be, sometimes you've just got to break down and cry. Sure, other people's lives isn't easy either. We all have our battles to fight. What if I'm not cut out for mine? Truth be told, I'm tired. As much of a jolly front I try to put up for the world to see, I'm breaking down inside piece by piece. If it were up to me, I don't want to go on.

I feel like my life is a series of mess ups waiting to happen. Eyes on me waiting for me to make the tiniest mistake so I can be lashed out at. Every thing I do is deeply scrutinized and broken apart. Whether it is intentional or out of habit, more often than not I always end up questioning every move I make, every action I take and every decision I make. Somehow, I always find my way to do something wrong.

People look at me and think either I'm lazy or I'm responsible for every detail of everything. I try to do my best as best I know how. More often than not, it's not enough. There's always someone I need to report to or explain myself to. I am never enough.

Although I don't suffer from physical abuse (Alhamdulillah) but physical abuse is just as bad. There are no visible scarring or bruising but emotionally and mentally it tears you apart. A form of slow torture to the soul. It's getting harder and harder for me to put up a smile but I pull through and try to keep it positive. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up. Days go by and I keep feeling like my life has become more useless than the day before. Everyone else's life is much much more important than mine and I always need to help or fix situations.

What I hate most is whenever I explain how I feel, it gets dismissed. Even worst, it gets twisted out of context and people get offended like I'm blaming them for things that happens. Without my mum, I have no one to truly talk to. I have no one who can take my word wholeheartedly and not try to twist it to some delusional sense that is far away from the truth. Every day I live my life in fear of doing the wrong thing. Of saying the wrong words. Of being the reason for someone's anger.

It isn't enough that I've given up my life to be of service and please. I don't even know what living for myself means anymore. Almost all my will have left me. I feel like I've become so broken I'm virtually irrepairable. I distance myself from people because I don't want to spread my negativity. Every time I feel grateful, life throws me back 10 times. Each time it gets harder and harder to get back up. Every time I leave a little chip behind. Soon, I will only be an empty meat suit, a vessel that breathes and talks but holds nothing.

Hopefully my next post can have a little bit more sunshine.

If you read this til the end, thank you.

Finding Purpose

Yes, it's been awhile.  It's not that I've neglected this blog or anything.  I guess Twitter and Instagram powers my updates these days.  Haha.  Anyways, this little blog still has a special place in my heart.

These days I find myself in some sort of soul searching mode.  Finding purpose to the rest of my life.  How quickly time flies by, people grow, people leave, some people remain stagnant and then sometimes you realize you're not on the same page as some people anymore.  No bad blood or anything but maybe sometimes you're just not on the same paths.

By end of next year I'll be reaching another milestone in my life.  I'll be 3 decades old.  It doesn't feel like 3 decades has passed.  Well, technically 29 years this year but close enough.  Single, unattached, technically self-employed in a business I barely fathom and encapsulated in the many facets of my 3 brothers' lives.  Where has the twists and turns of my life taken me?  What am I aiming to achieve?

Overall, I am grateful of the things that I have had and still have.  I mean, there's no reason to complain really. Sure, everyone hopes for more but the way I see it, more is a bonus.  *smiles*

My mind is bombarded with ideas upon ideas of any few things in an instance.  If only I was driven enough to learn how to implement those ideas or at least put them into gear.  That would definitely be progress, improvement.  Cue in the procrastinator in me.  Haha.  I need to work on that.

Enough of this somewhat somber mood I'm putting in this post.  Seriously, this is how I start writing on my blog again?  Haha.

Anyways, lately I've been obsessed with an online flash sale site called MySale which is Malaysian base.  Let's just say that it's pretty much a Malaysian version of the famous Hautelook site.  Basically it's a site that conducts sales on selected brands and items (clothes, accessories, gadgets, linens, toys, beauty, etc) for a limited time at varying discounts.  These include international brands, even those not available in Malaysia.  Items are sent 2-3 weeks after the sales closes via Pos Malaysia parcel service with a limited tracking feature (hopefully they upgrade to PosLaju at the very least).

Another site I've been loving is eBates.  If you do online shopping especially on US websites that accept international/Malaysian credit cards, try checking eBates to see if it's listed as a merchant.  What it does is give you a small percentage cash back on your purchase which can be paid out to your PayPal account or -- if I'm not mistaken -- by cheque.  They've also got coupon codes for current promotions and at times double cash back events.  Really, who doesn't enjoy cash backs?  Of course if you're in the US, you're really going to enjoy this site heaps.

Here's on last link love on here for this post.  I've been in love with this Facebook page.  Seriously.  It's the Different Solutions FB page!  Haha.  All that creativity is insane!!  You'll definitely have to check it out.

Alright then, til next time!

Taking A Break...

If you're one of my Facebook friends or my Twitter followers, you might already know that I've recently decided to resign from my job, my first job at that too.  I've been working for the company for almost 4 1/2 years and felt that I was no longer growing in tangent with the company.  During the course of my time there I'd been going through a lot of things on a more personal level that I feel needs time to sort through and find peace with.  I needed to allow myself to put myself back together so I can offer the best me that I can be for myself and the people around me.

What I will miss is definitely my team in the office who effortlessly cracks me up and made my working experience a lot more fun.  The wonderful seniors who offered me guidance and advise and to say that I've learnt so much from these wonderful people is an understatement.  My team was my second family and I'd like to thank them for always looking out for me.

Since my last day in the office 3 weeks ago (has it been that long?), I've barely gotten any rest.  LOL!! I feel like I'm probably busier and more tired than when I was working.  Even the family trip to KL during the school holidays last week was exhausting!  Fortunately though, we managed to escape KL's infamous traffic jams while we were there. Haha. After 4 days of driving in KL, coming home driving everywhere just seems closer.

On a different note, I highly recommend watching Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa (English Title: The Malay Chronicles: Bloodlines) if you have the chance.  Probably the best Malaysian film to date.  I was personally blown away and can't wait for more.  Seeing the english title states 'chronicles', I'm guessing there'll definitely be more.

Here I leave you with the official english trailer for the movie:

A Bag Obsession

On October 10th, 2010 (I'm a little behind on jumping on the bandwagon here), Mulberry came out with a collection in collaboration with Target (huge US department store) called Mulberry for Target.  Needless to say, the bags were snapped up like hot cakes.  Typically, Mulberry bags costs in the thousands of Ringgit (typically about GBP700 and above) so it's no wonder that a lot of the fashionistas on a budget in the US were super excite to pounce on these gems for a mere fraction of the price.

At the time of this post, the collection can still be viewed on the Target site here although all of the items are currently no longer in stock online (there might still be some in selected Target stores).

The past couple of months, I've been really into bags (I haven't bought a lot of bags in a few years - since University days maybe?).  It's like there are so many bags out there that just captures my interest/attention.  Still, I try to be as frugal as I can and not go crazy.  Plus, I need to remind myself that I'm running out of storage space.  I've also inherited a ton of bags from my mum (some haven't even been used!) so I've gotta keep this obsession at bay.

Anyways, after a brief Twitter chitter chatter recently, I've decided to get something from the collection while it's still available to purchase (not from the Target website obviously) from local blogshops importing genuine branded bags.  Here's my final pick:

Images from Target.com

Can't wait for it to arrive.  You can visit the blogshop here.  I wanted to get this design initially though:

Image from Target.com

The design for the Large Velvet Satchel is more like the classic Bayswater design by Mulberry with an additional heart shaped charm.  I finally decided against it cos I've had a similar designed bag in the past (which I've since sold off) and it wasn't exactly convenient to access your items in the bag.  I just prefer zippered top closures I suppose.  Of course all that preferences are not set in stone or anything so I might still get bags with flaps like this every now and then.  Getting back to the bag, as much as it was tempting to me (I was even considering getting one of each before I talked myself out of it), I remembered I'm not such a big fan of patent leather.  It is visually very very attractive though I must admit.

Although, this bag from Charles & Keith (~RM259.00) that I saw recently seems to combine elements of Mulberry Bayswater and the Miu Miu Coffer, don't you think?

Images from the Charles & Keith website

I'm also eyeing another LV bag and of course, another classic LV design:

Image from Louis Vuitton website

The two designs I've come to love from LV are the Speedy 30 (although the Speedy 35 seems tempting too since it's bigger) and the Neverfull MM.  I much prefer the Damier Ebene Canvas to the monogram mostly because the dark handles means lower maintenance.  I just made myself look super lazy there.  Haha.  But the Monogram Canvas definitely have a bit more designs available compared to the others.

I considered creating a fashion blog or even converting MySewingProject into one but for now, I'll just bombard this blog with my fashion-related post. :)

2011 New Year Resolutions

Usually come the new year I'd be frantically scribbling my new year resolutions with the hopes of fulfilling them by year end.  After many failed attempts despite being super specific and jotting down the details on how to achieve my resolutions as well as attainable measures, I've decided to not obsess over the whole resolution "tradition".

This year, I won't be having any resolutions per se but rather a guideline of what I want to do throughout the year which will prolly be an on-going thing anyways.  So here's a general idea of what my personal guidelines look like:

What they are and what I'm going to do to achieve these is up to me and I'll sort through it as I go.

Anyways, hope all of you have an amazing year ahead and to better things to come.

Under A Microscope...

Working in the corporate entails a lot more than being a civil servant would in my opinion.  Of course you'll get some b*tching and talking behind your backs experiences.  Not to mention people who takes glee at pulling you down.  It's a dog-eat-dog world out there and for those of you who are still studying and ever eager to jump on the working world bandwagon, I'd say stop and enjoy your young student life to the fullest.

Don't get me wrong, I love being in the work force.  It means more independence plus a steady stream of income which as far as this money oriented world is concern is never a bad thing.  Generally though, working for the government is a lot more laid back than for private companies and establishments.  More often than not, you'll have a whole lot of time on your hands to get your work done and then some.  The busiest times are usually when there's an event of sorts coming up.  Of course, let's not forget the government exams involved every once in awhile too.  I believe benefit-wise, working for the government does have its perks (plus allowances).

In private companies, busy is an understatement.  Work load is continuous and expections are high.  A lot of what you do requires justifications and reason.  Depending on which company you work for, work hours can either be rigid or a lot more flexible.  Bear in mind however, you may be expected to work extra hours whenever necessary.  A 9 to 5 job might not necessary mean you get to pack up and leave the office at the stroke of 5pm.  Certain times, you may have to work later due to stretched meetings or simply to finish up work for the day to avoid accummulating it the following day.  As far as benefits goes, it varies from company to company and depends on which level or job position you're at and whether you're a contract or permanent employee.

The thing about working for someone is sometimes you get lucky and get an understanding boss who looks after and stands up for his/her subordinate.  Other times, you might not be as fortunate and end up with a boss who (a) enjoys nitpicking your work and finding fault in everything that you do (especially if you're better at your work than he/she is), (b) adamant to know your every move from what you're doing now to what you're going to do the rest of the day (or week) and where you were, are and will be, (c) doesn't bother about your work, hardly around and fails as a support system for the team, (d) wants everything done now and seems to be on a constant PMS-esque state and (e) appears to be helpful (or eager to be helpful) and sing praises or acts all jovial and "nice" in your face but morphs into the I-did-everything-my-team-members-are-such-bums mode sucking up to upper management when you turn your back to them.

With all these funky characters roaming about the offices, some genuine hard workers and good samaritans and them bad apples it just makes you wonder how does one stay motivated to continue to perform well in their respective jobs.  Rolling with the punches is easier said than done and when life hits you with more lemons than you can squeeze, making lemonade can be a chore and your enthusiasm and spirit can get shot down in the crossfires.  Analogies aside, feeling comfortable in your work place is essential considering you'll spend 7-9 hours a day throughout the week at work.

After 5 long days a week of work, the weekends become extremely precious.  Long weekends are a gift.  What I miss most when I'm working is not being able to spend as much time with my siblings and family.  I see them a few hours a day and sometimes not at all which is sad since we all live in the same house.  I barely get to meet up with my friends too but I try to as much as I can.  Fortunately there's the phone and Facebook or we'll be completely disconnected.  Haha.  Don't even get me started on personal time.  For me personally, it's almost nil but I do my best to squeeze it in whenever I can.  My main things to do to unwind?  Staying home watching TV, being on the computer immersing myself in YouTube videos, blogging, editing and reading a book (not to mention chillaxing with my siblings).

I believe the most important thing when you're working is to always find time to get away from it all and just take a vacation.  It doesn't have to be far (or overseas although that'll be super!), a trip to a nearby resort for a couple of days, fishing, snorkeling, rock climbing, massages, basically whatever makes you happy.

Happy working everyone!

Sleepless Nights...

I've always been a night owl and not much of an early bird.  At some point I did manage to train my mind to sleep and wake up in a more decent schedule but I'm struggling with it yet again.  Last night I only managed to get about 40 minutes of sleep.  Despite the unhealthy nature of my nocturnal tendencies, I do not intend to consume sleep medication to help with my problem.  I was prescribed some muscle relaxant for my aching arm muscles some time back and although it's not supposed to, it made me sleep a bit too soundly and I found it harder to get up in the morning despite going to bed early.

At times when I can't sleep, I'll catch up with work, watch TV, rearrange/organize/clean my room or do plain ol' computer stuff.  It gets annoying though because I have to work in the morning through to sometimes 7pm and my lack of sleep affects my brain functions particularly in the morning.  After noon I start warming up a bit and get back on the rhythm of my work.  Clearly it's a disadvantage for me to start functioning a bit late in the day so as much as I can, I'll stay on a bit later just to prepare documents and information for the next day or following work day.

In the mean time, I'm still working on getting my sleep patterns to work out better so I can take advantage of the mornings as well as the afternoons more efficiently.  Sometimes the problem is my eyes are sleepy but my body is still restless so I usually end up jumping out of bed and look for food or surf the internet or something.  I'm thinking of joining some kind of dance class or a yoga/pilates class to give my body a good workout and hopefully help me sleep better (and easier) while working out a sweat.

I'm considering giving Core Fitness a shot and drop by for the early morning classes before going to work.  Will swing by there one of these days to check out membership pricing and stuff like that.  I think one of my mum's friends is an instructor there too.  My mum did suggest I join the aerobic class her friend teaches at the Sports Complex as well but it gets dark pretty early here (around 6.30pm) and me going there alone with a dimly lit parking lot isn't exactly safe in my opinion.

Another time passer for me would be playing around with my make up.  I don't wear a lot of make up on a daily basis.  Sometimes I just slap on moisturizer and a sunscreen and I'm out the door (our skin needs to breathe too).  Most days I'll just do my brows, curl my lashes (sometimes I'll go with or without mascara), lip balm or lipstick and a quick brush of powder.  If I feel like it that day, I'll throw in some eyeliner as well.  That's about it.  But I LOVE make up and my collection seems to have grown quite a bit now.  Wanna see?  I've always loved make up but now I can actually afford to buy them so that gets me super excited.

Ah yes.  The World Cup is coming to an end and it's going to be Netherlands vs Spain in the finals.  Gonna be an exciting match and fortunately it's on a weekend.  Haha.  Think I'll root for Spain.  Hurm.  Poor Brazilians though.  They got a lot of flack from their people for getting booted out in the quarter finals and the blunders in the 2nd half of that game.  Anyways, venha Brasil, their president wants the people to not dwell on the past and prepare for World Cup 2014 on home grounds.  That should be exciting and hopefully Brasil will reclaim their title as champions then.

Well, it's almost 6am and I guess I should just get ready for work or something since I'm already up.  Hopefully I don't fall asleep in the office which will be hard to do with the amount of work I have.  Haha.  Anyways, my London haul video (Part 1) is almost ready to upload I think.  Oo wait, uploading now.

So until next time!

No More Boredom... Please?

Was so excited to meet up with an old classmate last Thursday.  She was in town for a week on work vacation.  Another classmate of ours who works in 1Borneo set up the whole thing which was awesome.  It was nice to sit and chat over dinner.  Really nice catching up.  I was getting my glasses upgraded (new prescriptions) so it worked out pretty well.

Last Friday only myself, one of my brothers and the maid were left home (til Sunday afternoon).  I initially thought that it would be great to finally get some peace and quiet around the house and get some overdue things done once and for all.

Wow.  Was I wrong.  Started out Friday night with a trip to 1Borneo to accompany my brother.  Well there wasn't much of the night left when we roamed there (8pm).  Anyways, headed home and I spent the entire night catching up on Glee episodes.  LOL!!  Talk about being "productive".

Side Note: I do love Rachel and Jesse together even though Jesse was there to kinda seduce Rachel under her mum's instructions.  He is kinda falling for her and OMG his voice is much better than Finn's and he knows what he wants where as Finn is like the grass in the wind if you catch my drift.

Last Saturday by far was the MOST unproductive day in my entire life.  And I was bored to looney-ville.  I thought about going out but I had nowhere to go or at least no where I wanted to go.  Anyways, was waiting for my BFF to drop by after work that afternoon.  I was practically restless.  Watched Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 and Clueless on HBO HD and sometime after that I fell asleep and woke up to Giuliana & Bill on E! (I think).

That night was apparently the final concert for Akademi Fantasia 8 and I basically missed the entire season altogether.  LOL!!  My mum and I used to follow the show religiously in the past but the appeal has pretty much simmered down and I've personally lost interest.  Good thing the maid brought it to my attention that the final concert was gonna be on.  I'm impressed with Adira's performance of her song "Ku Ada Kamu" not because she was a Sabahan but because when she sang that song, it gave me a tingly feeling (you know the kind when someone sings a song really well with enough passion and soul). Check out below for the music video for her song and see for yourself.

Adira AF8 - Ku Ada Kamu

Courtesy of perekacerita's YouTube channel

I was tweeting about the concert the entire night and commenting on each performance giving my honest unbiased opinion.  I knew Adira would not be crowned the winner but what's important was she gave the best performance that night that it didn't even matter if she came in 1st or 2nd.  Anyways, with Shahir's good looks, and a gazillion female voters, it was clearly obvious who would win the votes.  I do think that Maulana did a better job than Shahir though.  Anyways, you can read my comments from that night on my Twitter.

So yea.  That was my Saturday night.  Haha.  Beyond a doubt boring and I was extremely restless to get out of the house (but didn't).  I didn't feel like doing anything else except go out too else I would've been able to do some clearing up or something at home.  Geez.  I hope I won't be facing that kinda day again ever.

Sunday (today), I got up earlier and got ready to go out.  Haha.  I'm so weird.  Since we were planning to watch Robin Hood at night, I went off to Centre Point to get us tickets.  It's always best to get tickets for the night earlier in the day.  More seat choices.  Anyways, I decided to wear a simple short knit dress (camisole underneath to cover up some cleavage. LOL!) and a matching waisted belt and paired that with a simple faux gold charm bracelet, my dual tone diamante dial Fossil watch and a pair of nude/black peep toe heels (my fave!).  I like to not just dress up but play around with make up on Sundays (or on holidays in general) since I don't get a lot of opportunities for that when I'm at work.  It just feels weird to be all dolled up at work somehow.  Maybe it's cos I work in an engineering/telecommunication based industry?  Makes me kinda wished I worked for a fashion or beauty magazine.  *sigh*  Or maybe I should start one?  Now there's a thought.  So nothing fancy, I had on BB cream as my foundation, did my brows, lined my upper lashline with a bit of a wing, mascara, coral blush, raspberry lipsticks and warmed my face with a bronzer.  Sounds like a lot but it's a simple look really.

Anyways, oddly enough I have no idea why there was this girl walking pass me and she kept staring at me (either it was my waisted belt or my non-flat stomach).  Then I also noticed a few other heads turning my way which I find to be rather uncomfortable.  I wasn't even decked to the nines or anything like that.  Heck, I even kept my hair straight (just used a volumizing mousse to the roots for a bit of lift).  After getting the tickets and Yoyo, I headed home.  Since I still had time before the airport pick up, I rushed to film a long planned collective haul and product review for my beauty blog.  Was planning to use my Canon camera to film but the video function didn't have auto focus which was a bummer.  It's great for vlogging though.  So I had to use the JVC camcorder which works great and had a flip screen so I could see myself too.  I love using the JVC.  Problem is it records into .mod files which isn't compatible with most video editing softwares (like Movie Maker, iMovie, Adobe Premier, etc).  It's supposed to work with Cyberlink's Power Director but I don't really like using that particular software.  After some trial and error in converting the files perfectly with FormatFactory, I managed to get it in .avi which has better compatibility.  Gonna be editing the footage soon.

So for Robin Hood, I was surprised that I actually liked it really.  I'm not a big fan of Russell Crowe or his works.  And wasn't too excited with him being cast as Robin.  Fortunately, he did an amazing job as Robin and the movie was a great introduction to how Robin Hood came to be.  Somehow every time I think about Robin Hood, I am reminded of the comedy version of it, "Men In Tights".  If you've never seen it, I'd seriously suggest that you do.  Hilarious.

Oh and yes, my office laptop is finally being switched to a new (actually 2nd hand) one.  Bye bye Dell, hello Lenovo.  The Lenovo was distributed in the company only a few months back so I have absolutely no idea how it became so disgusting.  Or maybe that's just me.  I cleaned the monitor, keyboard, chassis (including all the nooks and crannys) and disinfected it with some alcohol that my supervisor says smells like his lecturer's perfume.  No the alcohol didn't harm the laptop.  Now just to transfer my files and update my Outlook with my Archive folders.

Hopefully tomorrow I get to carry all my stuff from the office in the city to the other office that I'm moving to.  I love how I feel my colleagues there are like family.  Makes going to work less stressful and me more productive.

Another Weekend?

I've just realized that I've been doing a lot of weekend summary posts of late.  Probably cos I've been super busy on weekdays with work and other mundane home stuff that there's really nothing much to blog about.

Anyways, yesterday was my mum's 100 days day-versary kenduri and we had a little get together.  Kids running around the house and the kitchen busy since the night before.  Haha.  Honestly, I'm not a kitchen person so instead, I busied myself with clearing up the area as much I could considering most of the junk was my stuff.  Haha.  And I totally slept in last night which was pretty weird considering I hadn't slept in (til 2pm!) in awhile.  Don't want to make that a habit.

Well, I'm still adjusting myself to the corporate world and having my every move and work being scrutinized.  I find it suffocating and really disturbing really.  Personally, I just tend to not perform at my best and my brain shuts down to work when I get put under a microscope.  Imagine how germs feel.  I admit with all the workload and constant "urgent" things to tend to I've lost a lot of my efficiency making my performance less to be desired for which really stresses me out because I'm a demi-perfectionist and something like this is just unacceptable.  I've been thrown a whole lotta "urgent" and "must do right now" matters the past few months that I've come to neglect my filing and actual job.  Having to follow up on 1001 things every single day does take a toll on someone.  Although I do have a great supervisor who is always open for discussion, somehow I feel that using all this to justify my performance (or rather lack thereof) to be meer excuses so I refrained.  Even when I was busy taking care of my mum and having to deal with all the emotional roller coaster last year, I refused to make it as my excuse or justification.  As much as it may not "look good" to send emails in the wee hours of the morning (12am-4am), it is pretty much the best time for me to finish my tasks and get my work done.  I am and have always been a night owl, never a morning person, and am the most productive in the middle of the night.  Unfortunately, I can't even do that apparently.  Plus I realized that I feel less productive in my current office than the previous one and therefore I'm moving back there *YAY!!!!!!* soon.  Maybe I'll drop by the office later and get my office stuff.

OK so enough rambling about work.  I'm getting my office laptop replaced on tomorrow *hurray!!* to a faster Core 2 Duo unit with more RAM and hopefully HDD space.  Using a Pentium with a 512K RAM for work to me is just insulting since I love techie stuff.  I don't understand how a technology-related company can settle for such subpar devices.  My personal laptop is more powerful than that.  Insulting.  Another one of the things that I've been looking forward to since last year considering my laptop had been so super glitchy for way too long.  I need computers that work faster than me to optimize my resources.  *haha*  Finally had it reformatted earlier this year and it has been working somewhat better 1 in 50 chance of freezing up compared to 1 in 4 previously.

Anyways, I do have trouble sleeping at night and I find 3am or 4am a sutiable time to sleep which doesn't work well with working hours.  So needless to say I hardly get enough sleep.  And I work til late (sometimes I continue work at home) apart from all the other non-work related matters I have to look into - home, family, friends, personal time - and I'm still struggling with personal emotional issues and balancing everything out.  Then there's the ever demanding need and stress of losing weight.  Stressing definitely doesn't help with it.  The more I think about it, the more I get hungry and require food consumption.  There must be a different way to go about this.  And better yet a better way for me to fit in time to exercise and make it part of my routine.  Maybe I can workout during lunch hours.  Hurm...

Well, lunch is served so I think it best to go join the family now.  Wee!!!!

A Whole Lotta Weekend...

Hello rain that falls from the sky. It seems that you have returned during this cool monsoon season.

Yes, it has been raining practically every single day these days.  When the sun is out, the air is so humid and feels so scorching hot.  Then rain falls and it falls hard.  I love rain.  Believe me I do.  But it doesn't do much for me when I'm out trying to pursue a nice hobby/side project in the daytime at Jesselton Point.  With another 4 hours to go, we had to pack up and wrap up the day because it was raining cats and dogs (not literally) and there was no way we could woe in customers nor could we properly display our items.  The tents were flooded, and all of us grouped up smack in the centre of this 20x20ft tent salvaging our merchandise from getting even more wet.  And we were all hoping for better sales that usually come during the afternoon.

Anyways, I went to the PC Fair today at 1Borneo.  Nothing much that was enticing but I did get my brother's webcam (which we can't get to work and only displays a blank black screen), a USB vacuum and a keyboard and mouse for the home PC since it has been a bit glitchy lately.  I couldn't remember if we had it on a USB or PS/2 connection (how dumb!) and got the USB ones only to find out when I got home that it had PS/2 connections.  Looks like I'll be heading out to get a couple of USB to PS/2 converters.  Maybe I should've just gotten the Logitech one I had initially wanted.  Darn you salesgirl for making me doubt my confidence in having PS/2 keyboard and mouse.  *Ggrrrr*  And there wasn't anyone home for me to ask to check and confirm.

I have a personal target to complete at work this month.  And I'm determined to complete it.  I won't have much time next month finish the task and I'd really like it done by the 1st half of the year.  Wish me luck!

Sometimes I wish I had somewhere else to go home to.  Sometimes I get exhausted just trying to be chirpy ALL THE TIME.  I've always had my mum to balance out my days because whatever problems I face, whatever frustration I have, whatever pressure gets thrown my way, she always knew how to make me feel better.  Sometimes it's just being with her, hearing her voice and seeing her smile and the world becomes a better place and all those bad things just float away.  That was the magic of my mum.  Now I can't find my sunshine.  I can't find my pick me up.  Whenever something comes my way and brightens my day, another storm rains on my parade.  No one can hear my silent screams, my eyes fill with water, my feelings patched with fragile threads.  All they can see is my facade, the me they want to see, the me that is expected of me, the me I am assumed to be and don't even bother to look me in the eyes and see what lies there.

I've been undermined, pushed and shoved emotionally, I feel like I'm crumbling.  I'm always afraid of saying the wrong things at home.  I have to constantly be careful and not speak words that may or may not spark fires.  I have to check on my jokes or puns to make sure it doesn't get misinterpreted and misconstrued.  I'm wrong when I talk, I'm wrong when I'm silent.  Yes people.  My life is NOT perfect.  I'm just an average girl who summons all her energy each day to get through it and find happiness in the little things.  I go places and do things to take my mind away from the parts that sinks my soul until I get reacquainted with them in another bashing episode.  And yes, I get tired.  I think people forget that.  Some people anyway.  Sometimes I'm afraid to take a break.  I fear that things might get bad and I won't be around to tame it down.  Fear, it eats you bit by bit inside until there's none of you left but fear.

Enough of such somber rants.  My weekend was an underaccomplishment (is that even a word?).

Like I've said on my Facebook, Happy Mummy's Day to all.  And to my mummy, the beautiful woman who shines so bright that her absence has made my world so grim, I love and miss you every single day. Happy Mummy's Day mummy. Al-Fatihah.

Disclaimers and Other Notes...

Recently YouTube has implemented FTC (US Federal Trade Commission) Disclaimers to be included in all their member's videos to indicate whether items were purchased or gifted and if there are any monetary compensation given to fellow YouTubers to feature certain products and services on their channel. Disclaimers are no stranger to the internet or any other information disseminating mediums out there. It also works well with the copyright law I think.

So anyways, if you've noticed, I have begun putting disclaimers at the end of certain posts and of course whenever I use images that are not owned or created by me, I will credit the sources as well as put a link to them. I suppose it is only fair that all these items be declared in the post to avoid any future implications (a.k.a. just in case). *hehe*

This here is post #70 and I never imagined actually coming through with blogging. I love to write (or for this matter type) but I never thought that I'd be able to talk about all the things that has led up to my 70th post here in Blogger when I first started some 2 years back. I can't believe it's been (almost) 2 years since my first post! Anyways, I spent some time looking back at some older posts and oddly enough I actually can't believe I wrote all this stuff. My favourite post to date I'd say is my Valentine's Day entry.

On a different note, I'm beginning to wonder what is wrong with the international postal system. Seriously. I don't understand how a parcel/package can get "lost". Is there a Bermuda Triangle of posted items? I've been waiting for my last Sigma brush set (Nice In Pink Travel Kit) which was said to be posted on April 1 and some make up I bought at All Cosmetics Wholesale posted on April 15. Normally even by First Class International Mail, I get my items within 2 weeks. In fact, the sewing machine presser feet I bought online and was posted to me on April 15 (US April 14) via First Class International Mail (i.e. no tracking) already arrived safely last week. A friend of mine too got her brush purchased from Sigma within a week without hitches. Just my luck? Makes me wonder if it's Pos Malaysia that FAILED.

Last night was pretty weird, I was fine and later in the night I began getting stomach cramps for no apparent reason (at least none that I can pinpoint). Lasted through the night (thank goodness I managed to sleep through it) and til today. Forced myself to work in the afternoon still. I hate taking MCs simply because I don't like having to go to the clinic, get meds and have to down antibiotics. Ugh! Plus, I only look sick enough for an MC when I can't even move to go to the clinic. Haha. So the doctor will always look at me like I'm trying to squeeze a fake MC out of him. Ah well. The thing about not being well even momentarily is, the additional work to do and catch up on. C'est la vie.

sigma, blogger and things in between...

if you've been using blogger, you may or may not have noticed a cool new feature to help customize the look and feel of your blogger. currently only available in Blogger in Draft, the Template Designer is definitely a nice new toy to fiddle with.

screenshot from blogger in draft - layout>template designer

so what exactly is the template designer about? well, there are a few pre-made basic templates to choose from (i usually go for the simple template) and then you can choose your colour scheme (customizable) and background image (none, upload own or choose from a wide selection of gorgeous images). for the less familiar with css and sorts, customizing your sidebars and footers are a cinch! just select how you want your page layout to look like and click "apply to blog" and your all set. it's so easy. personally, i love it because i don't have to go hunting for the perfect basic layout to manipulate into the look that i want. of course there'll be a little attribute line at the bottom of your page to acknowledge the creator of the basic template and all that.

screenshot of the new image uploader

also, i don't know if it's just in drafts but the insert image function looks really nice and is super easy to use too. the loading is pretty fast too compared to the old uploader. excellent stuff. plus with the new uploader, you can choose photos/images already uploaded to your picasa web album. sometimes i get clumsy and accidentally clicked the backspace key (ie keyboard shortcut to go to the previous page) and when i edit my post again, the photos just uploaded is no more on the insert image box. which means i have to manually insert the url of each individual image. troublesome, i know. so with this latest feature, i wouldn't have to do that anymore. wee!!

logo courtesy of sigma makeup website

on another matter, i must commend sigma makeup's tara who has been cordial and extremely helpful with my missing shipment problem. she did mention that sometimes it takes a whole lot longer than anticipated for the shipment to arrive when using standard international mail to deliver the brushes. although i didn't have to pay for the cost of the brushes a second time, i did however have to bear the cost of express international mail. after much consideration, i have decided to reduce the items i'd purchase to compensate for the shipping charges. that's 1 extra brush roll and 2 SS239 brushes less than i'd purchased. i suppose i'll just get to those another time. so hopefully, this time around, with a tracking number provided, i will receive my brushes on time. again, thanks tara for the kind assistance and for bearing with me through this ordeal.

haha. the house is still a mess with all my aurora stuff. i really need to clear those up. hopefully i'll get to clear some up before i leave for KL this sunday. *oh dear*

if you don't know by now, i am a shopaholic. i try to work within my budget and hunt for bargains anywhere i can. was so excited to receive my Forever21.com long necklaces which i've been looking forward to. maybe i'll post the photos in another post either on this blog or another but i'll link it here somewhere. haha. and yes, i'm somewhat of a blogaholic as well. OCD? haha. maybe. i like things to be separate i guess. so i don't jumble up everything. plus, different blogs allows me to experiment with different tools and layouts that suits whatever it is the blog is about instead of one big mess of a blog. hehe.

honestly, i don't know how people blog with all these color changes and stuff. i like to write and type and stuff but colors and stuff, i'm not so good at. i can do pictures tho. does that count? ;p

my bestfriend's wedding is in 6 months or so and i haven't even started designing my clothes yet. *cringe* what am i going to do? the beadwork is gonna take awhile too. hurm. guess that means i better get started i suppose. it's highly possible that i'll be going for a pretty simple design and vamp it up with bib necklaces or something. that would be totally awesome. now to design the necklace. colors? fabric? gotta figure out something gorgeous but yet totally flattering and wearable on other occassions as well. no point me making a dress that can only be worn once right? to the drawing board!!!

international shipping can be a pain...

i've found that shopping for items not available in malaysia somewhat more exciting. for one thing, you get extremely good bargains if you know where to look. another is well, you can't get those things here. i particularly love shopping for stuff from the US. mainly make up products. they've got a wider range of drugstore products for brands like maybelline, l'oreal and revlon. for instance, i bought the maybelline full n soft mascara (my fave mascara of all time) while here, it's been discontinued for years. then there's stila which is no longer available in malaysia. loads of bargains out there for this brand too. i bought 3 smudge pots for $18 or less i think.

anyways, as i grow my make up collection, i wanted to add more make up brushes as well. if you're a make up junkie like me, you would prolly have heard of sigma make up brushes and know how much they are comparable to mac brushes. now m.a.c. brushes goes for at least RM100+ a piece so to actually have a collection of m.a.c. brushes would cost a fortune! a basic complete set of 12 brushes from sigma costs $89 with a brush roll or with the current promotion, $99 with brush roll (valued at $20) and an eyeshadow quad (valued at $36).

so, as you can guess, i definitely wanted to get my hands on those brushes. i waited for months before actually placing an order. lo and behold, a month later and still no sight of my packages. they appear to be lost somewhere in the world. isn't that just weird how mail gets lost? i mean, where do lost mail go to? it should at least reach the destination country as it is clearly printed on the package right? i've never had a problem with items shipped via first class international usps mail before. and have received numerous parcels on time. i just don't understand why my sigma brushes just went kapoof! into thin air.

as always, i went on twitter and declared my woes. haha. sigma tweeted back to ask me to e-mail their customer support team. i did. and i will acknowledge that tara has been extremely cordial and helpful. she gave me the customs form number -- which i've never heard of before -- and asked me to try and check with the post office/customs department here. the two entities were of course of no use. they had no idea where my packages are. it was just comforting *insert sarcasm* to hear the lady at customs tell me that's the risk of buying from overseas. so i informed tara and she made arrangements to resend my packages this time via express mail (more reliable). so does this mean i'll be shelling out another $50 for them to ship me my items a 2nd time? *cries silently*

yea. and the usps tracking site is of no use either. it just says it receives information from the sender and that that doesn't confirm they received the parcel from them. wth?!?!

hopefully, the items arrives soon. i've been waiting for them for way too long. *sigh* doing another test of their service on standard international mail. i'm getting a travel set for my purse/bag. anyways, hopefully when i do actually receive my brushes, i'll post up a review of them on my beauty blog yea.

seriously, what's so difficult about tracking packages that they have to charge so much anyway? the labels are paid for by the sender/buyer and all they've got to do is scan a barcode at each location. geez. capitalists.

okies. snoozing off now. work tomorrow.

being a busy bee...

yes, i know it may seem like i've been neglecting my blog somewhat. but being the uber blog-a-holic, i could never stay away from my blogs. so as you can clearly see on my sidebar, i have a total of 5 blogs which are all distinctly different. there is of course this blog which is my personal blog where i basically blog about stuff going on around me, what i've been up to, my emotions, opinions and things like that.

then there's of course my blogshops, Aurora by elixelle and trove by elixelle, which sells new fashion apparel and accessories (coming soon) and pre-loved clothes and accessories respectively. i've been more active with aurora lately compared to trove and it's still in it's baby stages. both will be at the sabahan blogshop flea market at jesselton point tomorrow and that has been taking up my spare time these past couple of weeks.

next is my sewing project which is pretty much my sewing project gallery and fashion related blog. for the time being i haven't had a chance to get into it as i've been concentrating on aurora and blissful belle. i'm really enjoying blogging about beauty, skincare and make up.

if you follow me on twitter (that's where i update most), you would probably know what i've been up to (i.e. aurora and blissful belle and more). so yea. i haven't vacated the blogosphere, merely spread my wings into different things.

so there you go, a quick update and explaination of my blogs. :)

of course, there's my day job that consumes 80% of my day. the thing about working with a company is it all starts out flowers and butterflies but the longer you work, the more the horns and fangs reveal themselves. work becomes more demanding, employees begin to feel underappreciated, colleagues start acting like bosses and become increasingly rigid and uncooperative. kinda kill the mood to give it your all like you use to. so anyways, hopefully moving back to my old office will help ease the increasingly depressing workload on my shoulders. blah!

hoping 2010 will be a happier year... no resolutions....

okay so this is pretty long overdue considering the new year was ushered in almost 2 weeks ago.  haha.  sorry peeps.

anyways, for the most part, for my family and i, 2009 was prolly one of the worst years to date.  april last year, my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer.  when she was diagnosed with stage 2/3 breast cancer back in 2006, it caught us by surprise and she spent the most part of 2007 undergoing chemo and radiotherapy after getting a mastectomy.  2008 was a beautiful year.  it was a happy year for all of us.  active travelling, shopping and a lot of fun overall.  last year however, was difficult for all of us.  in 2007, my mum only had to undergo outpatient chemo.  her cycle was the regular 1 day outpatient chemo and a 2-3 weeks break.  this time round it was a bit different.  her chemo cycle consisted of 2 nights in-patient treatment (i.e. day 1 and day 2) and 1 half day treatment (day 8) followed by a 2 weeks break.

there were a lot more complications with her second diagnosis compared to the first time.  the first time we only had to deal with the side effects of chemo and she could pretty much still care for herself fully.  while undergoing radiotherapy, she began developing increasing pain in her right shoulder and arm causing her to clam up and had difficulty breathing.  an x-ray scan showed there was a massive amount of fluid accumulating in her right lung which had to be tapped out for several days.  before she left, her doctor recommended starting her 1st chemo cycle.  although her tumour had cleared up by august last year (albeit not completely), after her 6th chemo cycle, she began having trouble walking and it was just excrutiating for her.  a couple of admissions to the hospital later, we found out there was a boil under her muscles and an infection near the hip joint.  seeing that she wasn't responding as quickly to the antibiotics, she had to undergo surgery.  as if that wasn't bad enough, puss began collecting under her skin in the ankle region.  another operation had to be done.  last year, smc had become like a second home for me.  sleeping on the couch is nowhere near comfortable but on the bright side, at least there was a couch to sleep on.

now my mum can't even lift her right hand up.  it's as if there is no more strength left in her right arm.  when she goes out, people ask if she had a stroke because her right arm could not be used.  my mum is the strongest person i know and she is my rock.  for me, it's very heartbreaking to see her suddenly having to depend on other people.  she is a very independent woman.  strong willed, wise and supports us in every way she can.  when i look at her when she's in pain, i feel utterly helpless and useless.  my mum is a jack of all trades so to speak.  to me, she knew what to do in any given situation.  i wish i am more like her skill-wise.

so yes.  2009 was a difficult year and my mum's battles are not yet over.  we're all still helping her fight it.

then there's work in the office.  a lot of high expectations are imposed when you work for a big company.  and sometimes you can only multitask so much and still stay sane.  tasks that used to be split between myself and my ex-colleague are now under my responsibility.  in a field where everything needs to be done now, the demand for urgency is always there.  i'm not saying i don't like my job.  it has it's perks.  *smiles*  but there was just way too much for me to take in in such a short period of time and i was having problems juggling and balancing all that was happening in my life throughout the year.

during the influenza a scare, all of us went to get our flu jabs.  luck would have it, one of my brothers had a seizure and collapsed bumping his head on the floor of the clinic soon after.  we're not really sure what caused it or why it happened but it did.  an mri of his brain showed he might have a lesion which was either a tumour or an infection.  the doctor advised him not to drive for 3 months (but he only refrained himself for a month and is still driving now).  more chores headed  my way since there wasn't much alternatives as we were lacking manpower at home as well.

i felt sad that i was unable to attend a couple of my good friend's weddings last year as well.  i mean, ideally you only marry once.  i tried to find a way for me to attend but those that were too far had to be foregone.  the saddest part was i missed my bestfriend's engagement.  coincidently the maid had to go back and attend a wedding.  my mum told me to go to the engagement but i couldn't leave her at home.  i'd been looking forward to attend for weeks and no one had bothered to tell me i won't be able to go.  of course she understood why i couldn't make it.  *hugs*  but nonetheless, i'd promised to be there.

why am i pouring my soul out in this post?  i'm not really sure why but i just had to get it off my chest.

on a more cheerful note, last year brought me my beloved iphone.  *beams*  i know there is an iphone vs blackberry debate out there but personally, i think it's up to the person using the devices.  the important thing is what do you need to use it for and which interface you prefer.  the iphone has loads of wonderful apps and it suits me well.  *smiles*  the battery life sux big time though especially if you don't realize you've got push notifications on.  haha.  thinking of doing a best apps post next.  hurm...

then there was my trove by elixelle project which was basically me clearing up my closet (which by the way has filled up again).  it was a fun experience participating in bazaars and selling stuff.  i met new people and gained some experience.  i've managed to get rid of a good deal of my stuff and delighted a lot of people with the bargains (branded t-shirts at RM5 - *winks*).  trove will still be around but there won't be as much stuff on it until my next batch of clearance.  i pretty much sold off all the super good stuff.  there are still a good amount left but i've decided to give them away and dedicate my time to other projects that's coming up this year.  i can't wait to share it with everyone!! the first is coming up soon (i hope!).

i've gained a lot of weight the past few years.  i feel the more i try to shrink, the more i expand if you know what i mean.  haha.  i'd lose 3kg and gain 6kg.  my weight loss was going nowhere.  i had high hopes by end of the year i'd be lighter than i was at the beginning of the year and set reasonable goals/targets but i instead became heavier.  i'd put on 20kg in the past 3+ years and rising.  if you've been skinny all your life, you'll never understand what i'm talking about.  losing weight is even harder when you have to be careful not to trigger any gastric attacks and have hormone imbalances (hormones control your metabolism).  coming from a family that loves food doesn't help either.  haha.  it doesn't help either when friends and family have nothing else to say then comment on how much weight i've gained and why i wasn't skinny.  i get a lot of 'advice' to cut down on my rice intake.  i prolly only eat a quarter to half a bowl of rice (i don't eat much rice) when other people are eating a whole bowl or more.  i prefer fish and veggies to chicken or beef.  although i must admit, i have insane cravings for fast food and soft drinks.  even when i cut down on those foods i wasn't losing.  it was very discouraging.  yes, i did try exercising as much i could.  i haven't gotten back in the rhythm of exercising since fasting month ended though.  haha.

i think i'll do a post on good places to get clothes for bigger sized people here.  it's quite unfair that most clothes in the market cater to smaller sizes.  Some don't even carry XL sizes.  How sad is that?  What about people who are a size 3XL or UK18?  Specialized plus size brands are generally a bit pricey.  It's like it isn't bad enough it's hard to get sizes, it has to hurt the wallet too?!?  so that's gonna be in my upcoming post.

then there's my reignited love for makeup (2008 reignited my love for sewing).  i personally don't wear a lot of makeup ironically.  haha.  but i've loved makeup since i was a kid.  i loved playing with my mum's makeup and was always excited to put makeup on myself and my friends if we had a performance on stage and what not.  i loved the opportunity to doll up and just mess around with makeup.  youtube has brought me closer to all things makeup.  and from that love came blissful belle which is my beauty blog where i post my makeup experiments, reviews and hauls.  i've linked it to my youtube channel *blush* where i play around with video recording and itty bitty editing.  hehe.  i've been building up my makeup collection and practicing my makeup application and trying out different looks and stuff.  it's my escape and it helps keep me sane.  i'm waiting for some new brush sets coming out this year to add to my growing collection.  which reminds me, i'll post a review of my recent purchases on either blissful belle or my youtube channel (or both) along with my 2 cents.  haha.

i've decided to not make any resolutions for 2010.  i fail to see the point of making the same resolutions every year so i felt it best to not go through that madness again this year.  i have personal goals but i don't have resolutions.

my latest fashion item obsession?  haha.  leggings and long cardigans with gorgeous heels.  lol!!  leggings are extremely comfortable because it follows the contour of your figure and is far more flexible than regular jeans and pants.  given the right size, the waist doesn't bite into your flesh.  haha.  if you're a bigger size, long cardis are totally the way to go.  it's a lot more flattering.  don't get me wrong, it works well with people of smaller sizes as well.  *smiles*

i think this is a pretty long post as it is.  time to shut up and save more stuff for my next posts.  haha!

The world is a weird place to live in...

Fortunately my bad day only lasted for a day. The rest of the days following that day were not fantastic but they were still good days.

Well, things are getting more and more neglected as we rush here and there and everywhere. Dividing time between my mum, my brothers, friends and work has been difficult still but essential.

Last weekend was my lil bro's birthday party. Funny that boy. He cleverly sent event invitations via Facebook which triggered us to organize an actual party quickly. Haha. But all went well an everyone was happy. I suppose that's what's important. :)

So anyways, today after a nice Dim Sum brunch at Hyatt, went to check out the JCI Flea-Tastic Bazaar at Bundusan with the lovely Ms Nyn and my lil brother. Obviously it wasn't as big as those done in KL but it's a start. Hehe. :) Considering to join the next time it's around. It would be interesting.

Mum's spent her 3rd week in SMC and we're hoping she'll be able to get home soon. Been spending everyday here when I'm not at work. Barely at home too these days. I miss my bed.

The Sabah Blogger's Gathering is coming up this coming weekend and I'm pretty much stumped on what to wear. It's gonna be a Halloween/Masquerade themed event but I'm not thinking of being too OTT. The hotel where the event is at is practically in a mall. I'm still a pretty low key person. Hehe. *wink*




So here I am with the now shrunken pimple on my face, sans makeup (ok... very little makeup) listening to my mum's friends visiting her in the ward room chit chatting and catching up. Sitting cross-legged by the electrical socket charging my beloved phone next to a walking frame typing away on this blog entry. Haha!

My stomach is beginning to send hunger signals to my brain. Ooo.