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Saturday, March 1, 2014

Neglected Hobbies and Growing Up

 December 30, 2013 
Where do I begin? I've not been blogging on any of my blogs for pretty much the greater part of this year. And to think I love writing and blogging too. Can I blame social media for that (pretty please?)? I think with the instant bursts of updates that I've been posting on Twitter and Instagram, there's little else for me to talk about or rather update on my full blown blogs.

It's not so much that I haven't had any profound revelations this year or that nothing interests me but for lack of a better explanation, I've been either asleep, marathoning TV series, spending time with my bros or just plain ol' housework. Yes, yes. Very domesticated. Responsibilities and time management ought to be BFFs but in my case they're more on a frenemy relationship.  *haha* Moving on...

 March 1, 2014 
*fast forward 2 months since the 2 paragraphs I drafted above... Eeekk!!*

To say plenty of things has been happening is both true and false really.  I teamed up with one of my aunts and opened our own little sofa and curtain showroom at Villa Tropicana (along the Penampang Bypass road). If you wanna see what we've got to offer, check out our facebook page, MYA Design Furniture & Furnishing.  If you live in the KK, Penampang, Inanam and surrounding vicinity feel free to drop by and have a look, yea.  We're open everyday except Monday. *wink*

Anyways, as I was saying... Apart from that, pretty much everything else is somewhat the same.  A few improvement and progress here and there but relatively the same nonetheless.  I tried out body massage for the very first time this year as per recommendation from a good friend.  Oh. My. God.  The most painful experience I could ever imagine willingly putting myself through.  It is supposed to be good for blood circulation and getting the veins to their optimal peak performing condition (if that makes sense).  I definitely went home with a few bruises here and there but the excruciating pain was pretty much just then and there (thank goodness!!).

Hurm... What else? Oo yea.  The part about growing up.  Well, I officially turned 30 about 2 1/2 months back (yay! December baby!) and to be honest, it doesn't feel any different.  Well, technically you don't magically become a full year older overnight, and I was 29 years 51 weeks and 6 days old before my birthday give or take. Anyways, the point being, adulthood just poses responsibility upon responsibility on a person.  The part that is quite the struggle point for me is to grow up in the circumstances that I'm in with the things that I had never envisioned myself to have to ever take on and not feeling like I'm allowed to feel overwhelmed or angry or suffocated and the likes.  I understand that everyone's journey is unique to them and I appreciate that I'm not out on the streets in much severe conditions but sometimes a girl just needs to vent. Plain and simple. Living in a house with boys, they're not the best listeners. Although I might be a bit biased since my benchmark is my mum who is still in my mind the most amazing person to ever walk the face of the Earth. Poor things. My brothers I mean. I'm grateful and very appreciative of the love and support from friends and family lending an ear (and a shoulder) whenever I need it but some things you can only share with your mum, or at least someone you can trust completely 200% or more.

Then there's the neglected hobbies.  I love blogging which may or may not be apparent from the posts I've done in the past (and amount of blogs I've created) but now I find myself not having the time (and sometimes inspiration) to write about stuff.  I think it might an OCD thing where I want to do photos and edit and stuff and the whole things gets put off when I don't get to do everything at once.  Hahahha.  Anyways, I think I need to blog again.  Keeps me sane.  Maybe home stuff like decor and organization? There are so many awesome bloggers out there doing those and I definitely am no where near their level of dedication and photo prowess.  I shall try to do my own thing.

Ah yes.  And my love, make up.  I wanna get that back up and running and maybe something more in the future.  I'll save that for when I actually get that future project launched. *wink wink*  But yea, if you're in the KK area and need make up services, or you want a private lesson at your home, drop me an email here and we'll set something up!  I've also got a ton of make up I've only used once or twice or a few times that I feel should find new homes soooo... I haven't confirmed yet but I'm gonna be joining possibly the Damai Garage Sale soon to sell them off for pennies.  It's gonna be seriously cheap and I'll have it sanitized and cleaned and there's a good mix of high end and low end brands all of excellent quality. Will announce that soon. *yippee!!!*

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Winds of Change

Midway into 2013 and change is definitely underway.  Some changes are small, some personal, and some in a big way.  This is probably the first year that I've taken charge of my New Year's resolution and actually work towards accomplishing that goal.  It's a beautiful feeling really.

"See a need, fill a need" - Robots

Instead of pushing aside or running away from issues, I'm beginning to accept them and find solutions for them.  Obviously I have yet to eradicate all issues from my life.  Haha.  Clearly some are more pressing than others to resolve while some I might not be ready to tackle just yet.  Sometimes we see a different picture than others and I understand how other people might not understand my vision in certain things.  Nonetheless I'm always open to thoughts, inputs and opinions from the people around me.

Recently I had a long (overdue) talk with my brother.  For the longest time I've feared him despite being the eldest sister here.  There were things that should've been addressed a long time ago but I'd kept mum about them and it had taken a toll on myself and our brother-sister relationship.  Sometimes you need that little boost of courage to get the ball rolling.  Sure, he wasn't too happy about the way the talk started earlier that afternoon but sometimes my soft approach isn't always the best way to go.  He didn't understand where I was coming from, shocked mostly at the changes he missed while I "grew up".  Like I've said before, change isn't always easy but more often than not, necessary.

At some point in my life, I had a fire in me.  A passion to live life to the fullest within the bounds of morality instilled in me.  As I grew older, it got lost.  I missed that.  Soon after I became a push over, someone you could take advantage of, trampled.

Sometimes I wonder how my parents did it before, especially my mum.  Adulthood definitely isn't a bed of roses.  There's just a lot of thought and weight that goes into making decisions and attempting to figure out what the right thing to do is. Nothing is black and white or straight forward. Decision and choices we make no longer only affect ourselves. Everything is played at a much larger scale and it's so easy to be overwhelmed. I'm only beginning to get the gist of what my mother had to go through many years ago. And she was right. It is tough.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Difficult Truths and Pushing Through

I have decided that 2013 would be my year of changes and betterment. I don't know if I'll pull it off or if I'd stick to my resolution but it's never to late to make that decision again and try.

Sometimes -- more often than not -- things happen out of our control and it's not even an implication of something we've done or are doing. Sometimes there are just other forces at work that interferes with our goals and future. Although at times we might not know what is going on or happening to us, with faith, God will show us truth and the path we should follow.

2012 was a tough year for me mentally and emotionally. Despite the smile I put on for the world, I felt like I was crumbling inside slowly but surely. I was beginning to fear that maybe, just maybe, I might have been going through a bout of depression. Thinking about it, I felt I am still too young to put myself through such a heavy and draining state of mind. But like all who've gone through a similar situation or phase, when it hits you, the world around you seems bleak. Hope was possibly the only thing holding you together. I was admittedly a complete wreck inside.

I'm thankful to Allah for blessing me with supportive family and friends even through times when I didn't believe in myself and didn't think there was light at the end of my path, I had support. Sometimes it may have felt like it wasn't enough but they were there.

Recently, some things have come to light and although sad, it's just one of those things that is beyond my ability to control. Looking back, everything made more sense and my instincts have been proven right. The only thing that I can do now is to pick myself up, push through and protect my loved ones.

Bottom line, never be afraid to seek help. Sometimes you just can't take on the world on your own.

2013. I'm looking forward to beautiful and exciting things this year. Insya Allah.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Verbal vs Physical, Lesser of 2 Evils?

I find that lately I don't really have much to blog about. Or maybe just too much to blog about I don't know where to begin. I think I've mentioned in a previous post that my life has changed tremendously in the past couple of years and I've had to take on even more responsibilities. Sometimes I wonder if it's something I'm even able to cope with.

Yup, I'm turning 30 this year. Yes, I'm still very much single with no available prospect. And yea, my family is my life. Sometimes to the point that it consumes me or to the point where I hide myself behind the fact, slowly disappearing from the world around me.

As strong as I try to be, sometimes you've just got to break down and cry. Sure, other people's lives isn't easy either. We all have our battles to fight. What if I'm not cut out for mine? Truth be told, I'm tired. As much of a jolly front I try to put up for the world to see, I'm breaking down inside piece by piece. If it were up to me, I don't want to go on.

I feel like my life is a series of mess ups waiting to happen. Eyes on me waiting for me to make the tiniest mistake so I can be lashed out at. Every thing I do is deeply scrutinized and broken apart. Whether it is intentional or out of habit, more often than not I always end up questioning every move I make, every action I take and every decision I make. Somehow, I always find my way to do something wrong.

People look at me and think either I'm lazy or I'm responsible for every detail of everything. I try to do my best as best I know how. More often than not, it's not enough. There's always someone I need to report to or explain myself to. I am never enough.

Although I don't suffer from physical abuse (Alhamdulillah) but physical abuse is just as bad. There are no visible scarring or bruising but emotionally and mentally it tears you apart. A form of slow torture to the soul. It's getting harder and harder for me to put up a smile but I pull through and try to keep it positive. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up. Days go by and I keep feeling like my life has become more useless than the day before. Everyone else's life is much much more important than mine and I always need to help or fix situations.

What I hate most is whenever I explain how I feel, it gets dismissed. Even worst, it gets twisted out of context and people get offended like I'm blaming them for things that happens. Without my mum, I have no one to truly talk to. I have no one who can take my word wholeheartedly and not try to twist it to some delusional sense that is far away from the truth. Every day I live my life in fear of doing the wrong thing. Of saying the wrong words. Of being the reason for someone's anger.

It isn't enough that I've given up my life to be of service and please. I don't even know what living for myself means anymore. Almost all my will have left me. I feel like I've become so broken I'm virtually irrepairable. I distance myself from people because I don't want to spread my negativity. Every time I feel grateful, life throws me back 10 times. Each time it gets harder and harder to get back up. Every time I leave a little chip behind. Soon, I will only be an empty meat suit, a vessel that breathes and talks but holds nothing.

Hopefully my next post can have a little bit more sunshine.

If you read this til the end, thank you.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Healthy Snacks For A Halloween Party

Many months ago, as I was scrolling through pinterest and saw an interesting photo of some sausages and spaghetti.  Upon clicking on the photo and brought to the original post (link here) which talks about children safety during treak or treating.  Photos are from the original post.


TREAT #1: Ghoul Teeth

  • Slice some red apples (you can also choose to dip them in some pineapple or lemon juice to prevent browning)
  • Spread peanut butter on one side of a sliced apple
  • Sandwich some marshmallows between 2 slices of apples and peanut butter

TREAT #2: Spaghetti in Sausages
  • Cut some sausages into about 1 inch pieces
  • Gently poke through the sausages with uncooked spaghetti
  • Boil the sausages and spaghetti as usual
  • For a basic sauce:
    • Throw in chopped garlic in a pot with a little olive oil
    • Pour a can of tomato puree into the pot and 1/4 to 1/2 cup water
    • Add some oregano and italian herbs
    • OR just use canned/bottled pasta sauce

And there you have some cute yet simple Halloween inspired snacks.  :)



Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Finding Purpose

Yes, it's been awhile.  It's not that I've neglected this blog or anything.  I guess Twitter and Instagram powers my updates these days.  Haha.  Anyways, this little blog still has a special place in my heart.

These days I find myself in some sort of soul searching mode.  Finding purpose to the rest of my life.  How quickly time flies by, people grow, people leave, some people remain stagnant and then sometimes you realize you're not on the same page as some people anymore.  No bad blood or anything but maybe sometimes you're just not on the same paths.

By end of next year I'll be reaching another milestone in my life.  I'll be 3 decades old.  It doesn't feel like 3 decades has passed.  Well, technically 29 years this year but close enough.  Single, unattached, technically self-employed in a business I barely fathom and encapsulated in the many facets of my 3 brothers' lives.  Where has the twists and turns of my life taken me?  What am I aiming to achieve?

Overall, I am grateful of the things that I have had and still have.  I mean, there's no reason to complain really. Sure, everyone hopes for more but the way I see it, more is a bonus.  *smiles*

My mind is bombarded with ideas upon ideas of any few things in an instance.  If only I was driven enough to learn how to implement those ideas or at least put them into gear.  That would definitely be progress, improvement.  Cue in the procrastinator in me.  Haha.  I need to work on that.

Enough of this somewhat somber mood I'm putting in this post.  Seriously, this is how I start writing on my blog again?  Haha.

Anyways, lately I've been obsessed with an online flash sale site called MySale which is Malaysian base.  Let's just say that it's pretty much a Malaysian version of the famous Hautelook site.  Basically it's a site that conducts sales on selected brands and items (clothes, accessories, gadgets, linens, toys, beauty, etc) for a limited time at varying discounts.  These include international brands, even those not available in Malaysia.  Items are sent 2-3 weeks after the sales closes via Pos Malaysia parcel service with a limited tracking feature (hopefully they upgrade to PosLaju at the very least).


Another site I've been loving is eBates.  If you do online shopping especially on US websites that accept international/Malaysian credit cards, try checking eBates to see if it's listed as a merchant.  What it does is give you a small percentage cash back on your purchase which can be paid out to your PayPal account or -- if I'm not mistaken -- by cheque.  They've also got coupon codes for current promotions and at times double cash back events.  Really, who doesn't enjoy cash backs?  Of course if you're in the US, you're really going to enjoy this site heaps.


Here's on last link love on here for this post.  I've been in love with this Facebook page.  Seriously.  It's the Different Solutions FB page!  Haha.  All that creativity is insane!!  You'll definitely have to check it out.


Alright then, til next time!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Love Of A Mother

Hello everyone.  Happy Valentine's Day.  These days V-Day isn't just celebrated by couples in love but is made to be a celebration of love in general despite it's history.  I came across this photo less than a month ago and thought it was just super duper sweet and showcases the love of a mother towards her child.

9GAG Link

Although not all mothers are skilled seamstresses, this one was.  Imagine the effort and attention to detail this mother had to transform her child's drawings into actual dollies.  What a gem.