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Thursday, June 20, 2013

Winds of Change

Midway into 2013 and change is definitely underway.  Some changes are small, some personal, and some in a big way.  This is probably the first year that I've taken charge of my New Year's resolution and actually work towards accomplishing that goal.  It's a beautiful feeling really.

"See a need, fill a need" - Robots

Instead of pushing aside or running away from issues, I'm beginning to accept them and find solutions for them.  Obviously I have yet to eradicate all issues from my life.  Haha.  Clearly some are more pressing than others to resolve while some I might not be ready to tackle just yet.  Sometimes we see a different picture than others and I understand how other people might not understand my vision in certain things.  Nonetheless I'm always open to thoughts, inputs and opinions from the people around me.

Recently I had a long (overdue) talk with my brother.  For the longest time I've feared him despite being the eldest sister here.  There were things that should've been addressed a long time ago but I'd kept mum about them and it had taken a toll on myself and our brother-sister relationship.  Sometimes you need that little boost of courage to get the ball rolling.  Sure, he wasn't too happy about the way the talk started earlier that afternoon but sometimes my soft approach isn't always the best way to go.  He didn't understand where I was coming from, shocked mostly at the changes he missed while I "grew up".  Like I've said before, change isn't always easy but more often than not, necessary.

At some point in my life, I had a fire in me.  A passion to live life to the fullest within the bounds of morality instilled in me.  As I grew older, it got lost.  I missed that.  Soon after I became a push over, someone you could take advantage of, trampled.

Sometimes I wonder how my parents did it before, especially my mum.  Adulthood definitely isn't a bed of roses.  There's just a lot of thought and weight that goes into making decisions and attempting to figure out what the right thing to do is. Nothing is black and white or straight forward. Decision and choices we make no longer only affect ourselves. Everything is played at a much larger scale and it's so easy to be overwhelmed. I'm only beginning to get the gist of what my mother had to go through many years ago. And she was right. It is tough.


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